Dear Miley: Booty Shorts Will Not Vault You Into A Credible Music Career and Other Thoughts
Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All right, I've tried not to rant. I've tried to be all about the love. But....

I want to kick Miley Cyrus's booty-shorted ass!

And this has nothing to do with her ignorant diarrhea of the mouth over Radiohead. (I just had to look up the spelling of diarrhea. I pride myself on my fierce spelling skills but I had no clue how to spell diarrhea. It's not a word I like to use much.)

Now don't get me wrong, I do hate her for expecting Radiohead to fawn all over her when she tried to summon them to her Hannah Montana side. And If you haven't spent all your time, reading my lengthy diatribe on her assbag behavior, I'll sum it up for you.

She was at the Grammy's. Why? I am not sure. The Grammy's are for musical artists and I do not consider what she does, art or music, so...

Anyway, she was at the Grammy's as was Thom Yorke and his brilliant band, Radiohead. Now, if the assbag knew anything about Radiohead like the poser Radiohead fan she pretends to be, she would have known it was an absolute coup to even get Radiohead to the Grammy's. Thom Yorke is infamously shy and the band stays away from awards shows and anything that has to do with celebrity's kissing each other's asses, as celebrities are wont to do every chance they can get.

When Miley heard they were there, she just, like had to, seriously, like so meet them because like she would cry for Radiohead. Her words. Trust me, not mine. She sent her minions over to Radiohead to inform the band that Miss Miley Cyrus wanted to meet them.

Now, let's let that sink in for a minute, shall we? 

Is her ego that delusional and super-inflated? Did she think that a band of uber-talented grown men would be sitting in their dressing room saying, "OMG! Are you like, SERIOUS!! Hannah Montana, like, wants to meet US? OMG! Do you, like, think she'll sing Best of Both Worlds for us?"

Thom Yorke politely declined saying, "We don't really do that kind of thing."

And so in turn, Miley being the obnoxious child she is, went on the radio the next day declaring she stormed out of the awards after that and didn't watch Radiohead's performance. She certainly showed them! And then, on the air she proceeded to call them Stinkin Radiohead (whew, don't get that bitch mad) and announced she was going to ruin Radiohead by telling everyone they wouldn't meet with her, HER!  

Um, Wow. 

Seems Miss Miley Moron really doesn't understand the lack of boycotting power, nine-year-old girls have. 

So, that's not even the reason I hate her, especially since Thom Yorke took care of it by shooting back with, "When Miley grows up, she'll learn not to have such a sense of entitlement."

Oh, how I could taste the sizzle of that bitch slap! Delicious!

She irked me then, but I wasn't hating her...yet

And then there was the Annie Leibovitz pictures in Vanity Fair and honestly, I didn't understand why everyone was getting all righteously crazy about the photos. I thought they were tasteful. Yes, she was young, but she had a sheet wrapped around her and I've seen Halloween costumes on girls her age that were more provocative. 

But, I could feel it coming.

It was there in the subtle little something I caught during her performance on American Idol a little while after the photo debacle and I thought, "Here we go."

She was singing her ultra-moronic song, "The Climb" (sorry for all you who love the song, but she's just such an ass and those lyrics are just straight up Cheeto cheesy) and she's up there bleating singing her bubble gum, rainbows and kitties song and in the midst of this pop ditty, she starts head banging.

That's right, head banging, like Angus Young from ACDC's kind of head banging, except on her, it just looked awkward, as if a roach had flown into her pretty little updo and she was trying to flick it out.

After she was done head-banging, you know really feelin' her hard rockin' song, she baaaed sang the rest of the song through her hair, like she was now officially Miss Bad Ass Rocker Girl who Head Bangs to Pop Ditties.

My girls found her awkward, head banging hysterical. I knew it was a clanging gong, a warning of what was coming. A restless statement from a girl who no longer considered herself the princess of Disney Pop, her declaration that she was now legitimate.

My fears were confirmed during the Teen Choice awards when Miley came out in ultra-tight booty shorts and high-heeled boots howling singing "Party in the USA" and gyrating on a stripper pole while her pimps parents sat in the audience applauding her performance. 

That was the moment that did me in. 

But, I still held my tongue until I saw her recent concert video that I refuse to post on this blog. Mainly, because I don't want to damage your ears. But, I will say it sickened me and not just because of her howling singing. She pranced about the stage, ahem, singing her little, bubble gum, shitty songs as impressionable little girls stood below her, hanging on her every word and every dance move. 

Little Miss 16-year-old Miley Cyrus, with a Disney show geared towards tweens, with a clothing line designed for little girls, with jewelry and purses and sunglasses and dolls and even school supplies all marketed towards tweenyboppers,with a fan base made up solely of little girls, ten and under- that Miley Cyrus, danced and howled and grabbed her crotch, all while clad in her now, constant booty shorts and her high-heeled boots, a perfect picture of a little whore princess. She also treated these children, these little girls who idolize the sugary, sweet Hannah Montana to a little bump and grind with one of her background dancers. He obligingly simulated sex from behind while she did her part with her booty shorted back end.

I saw the youtube video on Perez Hilton's web site. He was commenting on its offensiveness and if Perez Hilton finds something offensive, you better believe it is, cause he loves him some offensive.

And my unbridled hate overflows.

It is beyond maddening the way she's going about trying to be considered a legitimate musical artist. It sickens me that parents, managers, choreographers, agents, supposed adults are all sanctioning this soft-core porn act.

I don't even know where to begin on this one. Let's see, I'll start with her age.
She is 16. And I know a little somethin' about 16-year-old girls. I have three daughters.

I know about hormones and girls who chomp at the bit, ready to leap into womanhood and leave little girldom behind and I definitely, definitely know about young ladies who try to prove their womanliness by trying to dress more sophisticated than they should.

I have one of those in my house. She will remain nameless, but suffice to say, I have spent many an hour arguing with her and she has spent many, many a tear-filled moment going back to her closet and refiguring her outfit because she was not going to be allowed out of the house in any of the outfits she thought were "fine" and I found to be a, "No freakin way!"

Cause that's my job. I'm the parent not the pimp. Ahem, Mr. Achy-Breaky.

Now, I know it must be tough, having to grow up in the spotlight. And I know that teenagers can be insufferable and ridiculous and obnoxious and all of Miley's best qualities, but with the spoils of fame comes the responsibility to do the right thing. And as someone who has made her millions off the hearts and minds of little girls in love with Hannah Montana, she has the duty to act like the wholesome young lady that Disney created for her, launching her into superstardom thanks to the adulation of little girls.

This sexed-up booty shorted, crotch-grabbing, freak dancing image?

Just don't. 

Don't make your money off of little girls whoring yourself out, in a quest for brighter stars, bigger fame. 

Don't do that to our daughters. 

Girls have enough misogyny and objectification to step over and around in their life. Don't add to this culture of sexism that has been created, a culture that eats away at girl's self-esteem, bit by bit. Rap lyrics, so offensive in their disrespect towards women, are now the accepted norm. Britney Spears and other former teen queens make their name and their money through their raunchy lewdness and sexuality. Our country has become an altar of worship to plastic beauty, celebratards with beach balls for breasts, toothpick bodies and faces made perfect through surgeries, plastering them all over the magazines and television in abject glorification.

It is a sad but telling fact when our young women's eating disorders are at an all time high. It is no wonder girls feel their value is centered on the ridiculous: rail thin bodies, provocative clothing, dancing that is not dancing at all, but simulated sex and all of the other ignoble ways of the world our daughters have been convinced should define them.

Thanks, assbag Miley.

I have tried to raise my daughters with the secure knowledge that they are so much more than a lovely face and a body. I have tried my hardest to instill in them their worth should come from their intelligence and their humor and their awareness of the world around them and the ability to find their light through the gifts that God gave them. Each of them, with different, remarkable strengths.

Now, don't get me wrong, clothes, shoes, makeup, purses and hair are all a VITAL part of this household, but it is not what defines us, not by a long shot. When it comes to my girls I have fought with every bit of mettle I have against the rancid epidemic in this country of trivializing women into simply sexual beings. How hard women of the world have fought through lifetimes to define us as beings, beings of worth, beings of light, beings of thought and strength and valor.

Shame on Miley Cyrus and the rest of her kind as they do their best to steal even the smallest part of that away from us. 

I don't understand how her parents can sleep at night. She is 16, no matter how much work and financial responsibility has been placed upon her back. She is still 16 and 16-year-olds should not be prancing around in booty shorts and high heeled boots, spreading their legs on stripper poles and letting their backup dancers freak dance on them in front of little girls and the rest of the world and most importantly, themselves. 

I was at Forever 21, (the clothing store and my other home) with one of my girls the other day. As they tried on clothes, I camped out in the inner sitting area that is in the midst of the dressing rooms. As I waited, I witnessed the constant parade of girls who came in to try on clothes. I watched them come out of their rooms and peer at their image in the full-length mirror. Sadly, most of them looked as if they were unhappy with the reflection staring back at them. I could see it in their slumped shoulders, the scowls on their lovely, young faces, the way their hand flitted over their stomach as they sucked in with all their might. They stood there so unsure of themselves, their bodies, their beauty. I wanted to take their shoulders and shake them, turn them back to the mirror and insist they see their true beauty. 

I wanted them to see we are not defined by the size of our breast or the inches of our waist or the sexuality we think we need to place on a shelf for all to see. 

We women, young and old, we are regal creatures. 

We give and sustain life with our beautiful bodies. We nurture. We love. We become. We evolve. We create homes and give love and on top of ruling the world through our extraordinary sustainment of life, we are also presidents, secretaries of state, students, doctors, painters, writers, scientists, teachers, homemakers, soldiers, rulers of the every way, every way.

But, it is the Mileys of the world who are taking that away from our magnificent girls.

And that is why I am full of contempt and sadness for this 16-year old girl whose ego is so overblown and whose heart and mind are so misguided thanks to all of the ass-kissers surrounding her who have allowed her to think putting her blooming sexuality out there for all to see is the key to a real career.

What I would give to have Miley be my daughter for one week, just one week. 

If Miley wants to be taken seriously, here's my advice: Learn some humility and grace, my three- year old niece Lena is more aware of mannerly graciousness than anything Miley has ever shown. 

Cover up your ass. It doesn't matter how many times you spread your legs or how many places you wear your booty shorts, we adults with a real knowledge of music will never take Hannah Montana seriously. 

The best thing for you to do is to go away. 

Here's an idea, forget trying to be a Britney, Jr and have a normal life, go to college, make real friends, stop dating underwear models who are already men and are way too old for you. Stop running your mouth because you think you are entitled to the world. I don't care who you are, honey, you need to earn it and even when you do, never expect entitlement. It's what makes you insufferable. Go away. Learn Modesty, Grace, Truth, Knowledge, but most importantly learn who Miley is, the real Miley, not this little girl dressed up in whore's clothing. 

And then if you decide the spotlight's for you, learn to write a real song, stop bleating and remember these two words-Taylor Swift. She'll show you how it's done. 

In the meantime, take your stripper act somewhere else, away from our daughters. 

Find your light, Miley, Find your light. 

Today's Terrific Download: Beautiful, beautiful, Corrine Bailey Rae and her smoky, gorgeous, lazy song, "Like A Star." A young woman, a breakout star, a few years back with her top-notch song writing and voice like gentle rain on a Sunday morning, she captured the world with her unique sound. Love this girl and her music. Take note, Miley. That's all I'm sayin.'


Anonymous said...

Thank you.

As the mother of a 10 year old daughter:

Thank you.

mcplaid said...

agreed. i work with school girls. they dress like whores. they look like miley. and they are 8-11 yrs old.

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