Thanks to one of my lovely commenters, I discovered my feed wasn't updating.
Now, nothing puts me in a spinning tizzy of a meltdown with fat tears and angry spitfire more than technological problems. Well . . . there's the upstairs of my house where the Dung Beetles live, but I just solve that by never going up there.
But technology hurts my feelings, almost as much as laundry.
I'm a smart cookie in many ways, but technology and Geometry and navigation (mostly map reading) are my Kryptonite.
And so, I'm wondering if any of you have answers for me.
First let me say, I am very proud of myself.
I think (as I squint with fingers crossed), I solved my feed's problem. Which for me, is like Jessica Simpson mastering Quantum Physics . . . or the Twilight books for that matter. I can see her now, "Gaw, that was one durn hard book with all them big words. Where can I get a vampire man? I can't find nobody to stick around.."
I discovered the feed's main problem which, after I finished crying over all the techie language I didn't understand, I went step by step and solved every issue. Yaaay Me!!
(I am sorely tempted to suggest a new language on the Google drop-down bar that asks you what language you'd like to use. It'd be called: The-language-of-the-people-who-just-skim-the-surface-of-the-technological-world-and-have-no-idea-what-the-f***ck-you-techie-people-are-talking-about-and-I-know-you-look-down-on-my-kind-with-your-snide-geek-abilitites-but-that's-okay-because-well-because-I-know-just-about-every-shoe-make-and-purse-design-in-the-world-and-I-bet-you-don't-so-take-that-you-snide-geek-guy-in-your-ugly-tshirt-and-the-same-jeans-you've-been-wearing-for-3-days-straight-and-your-awful-sneakers-dude-sneakers-are-for-working-out-ONLY-now-go-take-a-bath!)
Although, Google might think my language option takes up too much space on their drop-down bar. Whatever.
Evidently, Feedburner doesn't like stuff that's copy and pasted and certain symbols in the HTML code. And if I have to speak of HTML code, I'm almost certain my brain will explode.
My main problem with my feed was the picture in my latest post of my brothers as small children.
It was considered to be a potential threat to my blog.
I'm really thinking Feedburner could feel the vibe from my brothers and their terrorist activities against me when we were small, THROUGH THE PICTURE!
Man, Feedburner is good. I mean good, good.
Perhaps it had something to do with the baby with a gun in his mouth.
Then, there seems to be an issue with the fact that I am copying and pasting lyrics from threatening sources. That one fixed, no problem. I'll just have to type them in by hand. Good Night! Could my life get any more difficult? Next thing you know, I'll be having to cart fresh water from the well, balancing the water bucket on my head.
Then there was the fact that my post sizes had exceeded the limit of my feed capacity.
In layman's terms. I'm too wordy.
Who would have thunk it?
For that, I was instructed to change my feedsite address. When I went to change my feedsite address, there was a warning that told me whatever I do, I should NEVER change my feedsite address.
I can see that dude with the greasy hair and the gnarly, dirty jeans just snickering inside my computer or wherever it is those techie people live.
After much contemplation and some more tears, I changed my feedsite address. No alarms went off and nothing exploded, so then I synched and pinged and did everything I was supposed to. I guess.
My Facebook Networked Blogs seems to be working. I'm at least in MY Google Reader. I don't know about anyone else's. But, I don't think my subscription feed is working.
So, here's the first part where I need your help.
If anyone's out there, if you pick me up via your Reader or through subscription feed, can you just send me a thumbs up?
And more importantly, if you're not getting me, does anyone out there know how to fix this? You'll have to be able to explain it in blonde girl language.
I wish there was a little fairy who would come out of the computer when I needed help and instruct me on how to fix things in the same voice as Glinda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz. She had such a pleasing voice and that would be just the most helpful thing in the whole world.
Inventors, get busy! I know many people who would buy a fairy.
So, if that is all working, I will be one happy girl.
Because, right now my house is not in its proper state. My dogs are at my feet, ripping up a sleeping bag they dragged out of the closet. And honestly, as the white foam floats through the air, I do not care. I do not. Not until my Feedburner is fixed.
My Hubby just called me for the 20th time, because he is like Mr. Talky Talk when he is driving or bored or whatever. And I was all, "WHAT?WHAT?WHAT?"
And he was, "Uh, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner."
And I'm close to hysterics, saying, "I am not going anywhere. I won't even be picking up the kids from school unless I fix my Feedburner!"
And of course, he's all, "What's a Feedburner?"
Because, he is a very technological person, but when it comes to blogs he knows about as much as he does about menstruation. Which is only enough to make his standard caveman comment when any female in this house starts to cry, "Oh, gotcha. PMS."
That's how much he knows about blogs.
My life is hard, man.
And I've got one more techie problem.
I noticed the other day when commenting on someone's blog who uses CommentLuv that CommentLuv was showing one of my older blog posts. (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, ComLuv has a comment service for blogs. When you comment on a blog with CommentLuv, your latest blog post will show up under your comment.)
I didn't really think much about it and besides, I didn't want to mess with Andy again.
Andy is the guy in charge over at ComLuv. I registered over at his site a few months back to ensure my latest posts would always show up when I commented.
At least I tried to sign up.
I couldn't even seem to get the signup process down pat.
I need that fairy so bad.
I kept getting this message in angry red script at the top of the page after I registered, that said I could not make a profile because I was not a member and in order to become a member I had to signup and when I tried to signup again it said I couldn't signup because I WAS a member.
Talk about mind f****cks. The revenge of the techie's. Those geeks in my computer must have been laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.
So, I just did what I always do when I can't figure something out, which is most of the time, I clicked on the little thingie that asked me if I was having trouble.
I'm very familiar with that thingie.
I emailed the Trouble People, saying, "Yo! I can't become a member because it says I am a member, but I'm not a member and I really want to be a member. Can I be in your club? Mark the box, YES or NO."
And wouldn't you know it. A Trouble Person didn't email me back. Andy did, instead.
Andy, remember? The head guy at ComLuv.
Andy wrote me a very polite note back saying I could be in his club. Yaaay! Yaaay!
But, he said there was no sign of me anywhere. He had no emails. No passwords. No member names. Nothin'.
I wrote him back and said, "But, I did sign up. I did. I wrote in each little blank and I followed the directions carefully and now it says I'm not there, but I am. I really am! I'm a person, a living and breathing person. And as God is my Witness, I DO EXIST!!!"
He sent me a terse note back saying he signed me up and signed me in. And even though, he didn't say, "It was easier for me to just do the work for you even though I am very busy running my spectacularly successful website, but I didn't want to be bothered with you just tick, tick, ticking away at my big life with your ridiculously imbecilic ineptness, so I just signed you up . . . dumbass.", I knew that was EXACTLY what he was implying.
So, today after I cried and fixed all my feed site problems, I went to a blog with CommentLuv and made a comment and guess what? Not. Working. At. All.
I'm not even getting an old blog post. Just a blank.
And I have edited and re-edited my profile over at ComLuv. And nothing.
So, here's my next favor.
Do any of you know Andy? Can you send him a text or an email or a tweet and can you say, "So, I have this friend who happens to be a one-armed carny, traveling the highways and byways of our country, (you know, just to throw him off), and she can't get her CommentLuv to work."
But, please, for the love of all things Holy, do NOT mention my name. He will so ban me from his freakin' club, if he finds out I've got another nitwit problem. He won't check the NO box. He'll make a new box, saying, "No Dumbasses allowed!"
Help me! I need some sparkly shoes that I can click three times.
"There's no place like technology. There's no place like technology."
Preferably in stilettos.
Today's Definite Download: The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated." *Sigh*.
Here's the lyrics I had to type MYSELF. Valium, anyone? Oh, and since my feed hasn't been working, you might be interested in all the other posts you might have missed. I'll be back to vacation tales once all my terrible problems have been solved.
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go. I wanna be sedated.
Nothin to do and nowhere to go-o-oh. I wanna be sedated.
Just get me to the airport and put me on a plane.
Hurry, hurry, hurry before I go insane.
I can't control my fingers and I can't control my brain . . .