Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Editing Note: Blogger is hating me today and my links are not working. The following
fabulous blog can be found over on the side on my blogroll. If you are a writer, check
these ladies out. They are 2 authors who are chock full of wisdom and they've got their
hands out to all writers who are looking for help and advice.
They have torches to light the way.
So, remember that query contest I entered at the blog, Writing Out The Angst:
The Twisted Path Toward Publication?
Well . . . I won.
I still can't believe the power in those 2 little words. Those 2 little words have rocked
my world for the last day and just sent me into a tailspin of excitement and elation, but
mostly, I've been walking around thinking I'm going to throw up in my mouth any
minute.
It's feeling real, this writing gig and the thought of that scares me to death.
The Empress emailed me yesterday with the news in capital letters: YOU WON!!!!
I had to put my head between my knees for a few minutes.
My house was brimming with teenagers, the usual way of summer around here and
they were all, "Um . . . what's up with your mom?"
There was a lot of whooping and hollering for about 5 minutes when I told them the news
and then somebody mentioned popsicles and the whole herd of them went tromping off to
empty out my food reserves, but not before reminding me that I promised to take them to the
mall later and then they were all coming back to my house for a massive sleepover.
Because we don't have enough teenage girls in this house.
And so, I was left alone to contemplate this jump off the high dive.
My next thought was weirdly, I've got to amp up my tricep dips. Because, of course, the
thought of query letters lends itself to agent shopping which morphs into the hopeful thought
of publication which leads into the dream of book signings.
And I have this thing about jiggly arms. I don't like them on me.
And mine are a bit jiggly right now, because I've been sitting in front of a computer
constantly and no matter how hard you hit those keyboard buttons, it doesn't do a thing
for your triceps.
Trust me, I've tried.
And so I pictured myself at a book signing and people muttering, "Get a load of her
ham hock arms." And so my angst went even higher as I thought about my to do list.
Polish the book up one more time, try to conquer the tower of laundry and carve
out those triceps.
I still can't believe I won. The only thing I've ever won was a spatula from our local Flapjack
Festival's big raffle.
The grand prize was a Buick LeSabre. I won the spatula.
I've never been fond of Buicks anyway.
It was red and painted down the side in puffy paint was the phrase, "I'm a Flippin' Fan of
(the town) Flapjack Festival."
I had no idea what to do with that spatula. Did I cook with it? Was I supposed to display it?
Now, I don't have a whole lot of decorating sense, but I do know that spatulas decked out
in puffy paints really don't capture any home decor look I'm going for.
We did end up using it a couple of times, but the handle started splintering and the puffy paint
would drop off into the pancake batter. And I wasn't sure if puffy paint was toxic or not, so
sadly, I had to throw my beautiful prize away.
The only other item I've ever won was a bottle of champagne. Although, technically if the
grapes are not harvested from the champagne region of France, it is called sparkling wine.
This stuff would have probably been considered Sparkling Dirt.
It was that bad.
I was young and blonde and my boobs were still upright when I was shoved onstage at
a club to collect my prize. Problem was, it wasn't really my prize.
See, my hubby and I and our friends were regular patrons of a certain college hangout in our
day. A reggae man named Rupert, wailed out some great reggae tunes there every Saturday
night and Rupert always stopped his song to herald us when we walked in the door.
Those were the days, when we felt like the Kings and Queen of the Universe. And there
were no bad backs or early morning kid soccer games to keep us from dancing the night away.
As we swayed to Rupert's lazy sound and drank our way through rounds of cheap beer,
Rupert announced the winning ticket for the sparkling dirt. And since young folks don't hold
on to their entry tickets when liquor is involved, no one knew the difference when Rupert
smiled and pretended that, yes, this young girl in the mini skirt with no need for spanx had
indeed won the dirt.
My dishonesty was paid back in full with the splitting headache I had the next day from
drinking down every bit of fizz in that sparkling dirt. I still remember guzzling it straight
from the bottle.
A different time, folks. A different time.
Oh, and I've just been reminded by some of my commenters, that over at Bye Bye Pie,
last week, I won a caption contest. And what a lucky girl I am to win an inflatable fruitcake
and some bacon air freshener. The other commenters over there are so JEALOUSSSS.
But, this win is so different, so much mightier than puffy painted spatulas or Sparkling Dirt or
bacon air freshener.
This is a turn the corner kind of win.
And I feel like every nerve in my body is exposed, raw to the world.
I wish I took drugs, right now. But, as a Catholic girl who saw entirely too many filmstrips,
(That's right. that's how old I am. It wasn't even a film, it was a dang filmstrip), on the horrors
of drugs and how I will turn into a crack whore if I take more than 2 Advil at a time, I can't
venture into the world of prescription drugs.
I have to do exactly what my sister advised me to do last night when I was emailing her
with all my angst. I have to calm the crap down, because this is just the beginning of a long
journey. See, sisters can do that, give you the slap across your face, when you need it the most,
right at the peak of your hysteria.
Suzanne Hayze, one of the two incredible authors running this contest, (the other being
Amanda Bonilla), already contacted me yesterday with some questions about my genre.
I won't bore you with all of it. I'll just say my novel veers towards chick lit, but not too
fluffy. Dare I say, a little like Jennifer Weiner? And in these days, some literary snobs
feel chick lit is too overplayed and so the answer is to blanket novels like that into the all
encompassing women's fiction. Suzanne wasn't too sure that was my genre.
And I, of course turned into a neurotic mess and was like, "Oh no! I didn't get it right!
Oh Lawzy, Miss Suzanne, I don't know nothin' bout birthin' queries!"
And Suzanne was all, "RELAX, girlfriend. We will figure this out together."
*Sigh* She couldn't see my tears of gratitude as they dampened the keyboard.
I researched genres until the words started to swim before me and last night as I fell asleep with
my dog draped across my head, the words, chick lit, marching across my brain, I dreamt of a
new genre.
And yes, I did say, dog draped across my head. One of my pups has this weird penchant for
flopping on top of my head and crashing. And since she's very fluffy and soft, I find it oddly
soothing, a dog on my head.
So anyway, how's this sound? My novel is in the Joann Genre.
How bout that! Could you imagine the agents reading my query with a frown, mouthing the
words, The Joann Genre? And then googling it?
But, I've heard that oftentimes agents can be a little crabby when you try and get inventive
like that, so I'll just keep researching and sending every bit of minutiae I can find on the subject
to Suzanne.
I'm sure with the flood of information I'm sending her, she's soooo glad I won.
For the next few weeks, I'm going to be a raw open wound, crying at the drop of a hat,
laughing hysterically, swimming in self doubt one second and then feeling like I can champion
the world, the next.
But, mainly I'll be hunched over my computer as if my career depended on it.
Because, it does.
And since kids and dogs and laundry don't care about queries or careers, you might hear my
primal scream through the virtual wires.
I will be blogging along with my writing because blogging is my Xanax or whatever it is I
should be taking right now for my angst.
Please forgive me, if I don't visit for the next few weeks as much as I'd like. But, don't worry,
once I have this Joann Genre down and everything wrapped up in a pretty little bow,
I'll BE BACK.
Now, I gotta go. I've got to go cry and the tricep dips are calling my name and so is a little
something else called my novel.
Wish me luck. I'll be seeing all of you, my lovely friends, very soon.
Today's Definite Download: "Defying Gravity" And even though Idina Menzel does a
goose-pimply job with this song, I'm giving the props to the cast of Glee. Oh, how I love that
show. I think it's the best show I've seen in a very long time. I also added a few of my own
lyrics in parentheses.
And once again, even though she's probably getting as tired of me thanking her as she is of all
the links I'm sending her, this goes out to Suzanne Hayze and Amanda Bonilla for taking me
under their query wing. Thank you, more than words can say.
Something has changed within me (my triceps)
Something is not the same (my triceps)
I'm through with playing by the rules (Joann Genre)
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing (Oh Crap)
Too late to go back to sleep(That's for sure)
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!(This is me screeeeaminggggg)
It's time to try
Defying gravity (too late for my boobs)
I think I'll try
Defying Gravity (here we go!)
Kiss me goodbye (Ahem, Bono)
I am defying gravity
And you won't bring me down (self doubt and laundry)
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48 comments:
Congratulations!!
WOO HOOO!
How can you forget you won the Grand Prize over at Bye Bye Pie, a prize that should have been mine but wasn't because you played dirty and mentioned Carin in your submission. A prize I was coveting with every ounce of my being? Remember? You won the Inflatable Fruitcake!!
THAT is something to be proud because not everyone wins an inflatable fruitcake.
So. When do I need to start demanding when your novel will be available at the Borders of the Noble Amazon?
Yes, the Bye Bye Pie prize! Many were jealous, including myself.
Oh, I can't wait for when you have your book published and you have an Amazon link on the side of your blog. I'll preorder it!
Congratulations.
And go put your head back between your knees.
Or your husbands.
He will thank me later for that.
Congratulations. The first step on your journey.
congratulations! can't wait for your book...
I THOUGHT that was what was going on! CONGRATULATIONS BIG GIRL (and I mean that in the most loving of ways and I wasn't talking about your triceps or anything else, especially after I polished off a bag of Doritos for lunch, the evil food)!
There really ought to be a Joann Genre. Your writing is like no one else's: totally unique, thoughtful, peaceful and funny as all get out. You'll do wonders in the world of words, sweetie, and your book is going to be wonderful, too, just like you!
Smiles and Hugs! ; )
YAY!!! I can't wait for a whole section at Barnes & Nobles or Books a Million (or some other big chain) of Joann Genre books! Yours of course being the best! Can't wait till it comes out and I can brag to all my friends, I read her blog before she was published, so we practically go way back!!
Well honestly, I can't say I am surprised at all. This is one contest you were meant to win. I just hope it doesn't mean you are too big to blog anymore.
Also, my boobs are just now gaining some elasticity!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Congratulations!! That is awesome!
ACK! everywhere I click it's "JoAnn (not YOU) won the caption contest!"
Enough already! I know I can't be as cool as you, and maybe I'm a little edgy from babysitting a 2 year old boy this morning, to match the one I already had, added with the 1 year old, and at this point I'm just glad my house hasn't blown up...but I wish I was you right now.
You're such a winner!
Congratulations!
Although, I knew you would win the whole time. No Surprise.
And in the middle of it all I come along and ask you to post on my blog...and you say yes.
You're amazing!!!
You are just so funny! You know how happy I am for you!!!
I like the Joann Genre, it is catchy!!
And the Gone with the Wind reference is priceless.
You are amazing and you WILL get published.
That is AMAZING! I have a little throw up in my mouth now just in honor of YOU!
oh yes... and I remember film strips. We had them a LOT!
Emily thinks it is used to test the pool water. I just asked her.
I love the idea of the Joann genre!
Good luck!!!
The Joann genre? I love it.
Good luck!!!!
Congrats! I'm so happy for you! :D
And FANTASTIC song choice, by the way! If you've never seen Wicked live, you have to. The emotional power of that song can bring tears to the eyes and take the breath away from every person in the audience.
Yay! Looking forward to reading your novel :-)
Congratulations once again Joann - all the very best of luck on the next stage in this journey of yours. Know we are all right here rooting for you!
Yay! You won! I am so happy for you. I am already thinking of the day I'll read your book and say, "Hey! You know what? I read her blog! She's a friend and all.."!!! Yay! Yay yay yay!
Yay
Yay
Yay
Okay, let's work on getting there Joann genre!
girl.
GIRL!!!
awesome news my friend.
lauren
Congratulations! That is Very Cool: )
Oh my goodness, Joann, that's awesome! Congratulations - woo hoo! I want to be first in line at the book signing when you hit my neck o' the woods.
Winning feels great, especially when you're used to losing (in my case, anyway :))...Congrats!
Melanie
www.tutubugblog.blogspot.com
I'm not even surprised. When you said you won, I thought, "Well, of course you did!" There was never any doubt in my mind. You will be awesome. You will do the work as if you were made for it -- and you are. You will be published. You will do a book signing in Phoenix and I will be in line to meet you, my friend! Bacon scented air freshener sounds like the perfect Father's Day gift! And, P.S., I love chick lit!!!
I see it now...a big sign hanging over the Joann Genre section in B&N. We can say we knew you when :)
Congratulations! That's fantastic news! Your book will be successful because you're too darn funny for it not to be. "birthin queries" I'm still tearing up from laughing over that one!
Congrats!! Well deserved. I keep telling my husband that you are going to be famous and I can say that I knew you way back when...
Oh, and I saw the "Why I hate Kate" post linked below and had to check it out. Thanks for the giggles. And if it makes you feel better I gained more than half my body weight with my first.
Congratulations!! That's so fabulous!! You crack me up that you are thinking about your triceps. I think Joann genre is perfect. You can work it, sista!
Of all your prizes, I'm kinda sorta jealous of the bacon air freshener. Just sayin'...
Not only do I love the Joann genre, I actually know what it is! I am excited! When the book comes out, I will buy a copy that is not 8 1/2 x 11! Then I can read it again in the pool.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!
You are awesome! No worries lady. You got it all under control.
Suzy
I just peed myself out of excitement! YAY!
Joann,
Congratulations! Warm thoughts for you and your family.
--Al
Congratulations!!! You're on your way!
Well, a BIG congratulations to you!
I, myself, am a LOSER. My luck is SO BAD, in fact, that when my husband and I went to the race track and bet on a horse? He DROPPED DEAD (the horse, not my husband) BEFORE the finish line. And that, my friend, pretty much sums up MY LIFE!
I, too, am confused with the genre "Chick-lit". Is that all inclusive of novels about women? From the sickeningly cute to the nice, modern day love stories? How IS Jennifer Weiner's writing categorized?
I have to say, I don't think I entered this contest. Mostly because it scared the hell out of me. Win a vintage apron, pans, bowls, or anything else that sadly coincides with here my husband likes to pretend I belong? Absolutely! But the very idea that I could possibly win something to further my career? I believe that may have been the fastest I've ever shut down my computer...mostly because it was the only time I've ever shut down my computer.
So KUDOS to you! Not just for winning, but for having the guts to enter in the first place.
BTW, Do Kudo bars come with the prize? Because that would be awesome. Especially the chocolate ones...
This is sofa king (as Meleah says) exciting!!!!!!!
Yay for the Joann Genre, I'm going to google it now.
You go girl!
Congratulations!
I don't read much chick lit, but I am totally into the Joann Genre!
Congratulations, Joann! YOU WON!
DOn't worry about the arms right now. Just celebrate. and relax. Don't be gettin your Hanky Pankies in a wad now.
Joann genre? LOVE IT!
xoxoxo
YAY Joann!! I knew you could make it to this stage, and I am holding a steady vision of your imminent publication! It is going to happen, this I know for sure!
So happy and proud of you!!!! Yeah! You are following your bliss, baby and the universe is totally supportive!
Congratulations!! Yipee you won!!
Like there was any doubt! (-: So very happy for you and might I suggest taking SurferWife's advice not only because it was so damned funny but it will take your mind off all the loose arm stuff (-:
After reading your posts I wanted you to win so much. It is meant to be.
Sally Kirkland, an actor once said they tape up her arms when they are filming so they don't jiggle. You could tape yours and then wear a see through sleeve so people can see how fit they are and not see the tape.
I'm so happy for you.
XD
The Joann genre is so much better than chic lit! I'm so glad you won! I had wondered and hoped!
You're on a roll! I mean, seriously, bacon air freshener! The world is your oyster lady! I'm so tickled for you!
Hi Joann-I'm just catching up. I'm so glad you won-Congratulations!!!!
Joann--I am so glad you entered and went for it. I'm so glad you just did it, without thinking all sorts of excuses of not ready, not right, not now, etc.
Yay!!!
This is meant to be. I was so happy when I saw your name up, you'd a thunk I knew ya or something (wink)
Love ya, girlfriend...xoxoxo
You ROCK.
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