How Does My Kool Aid Stache Look On Me?
Monday, January 10, 2011

By the way, I wasn't sure if I was spelling stache correctly, so I checked my go-to site for everything proper and grammatical—Urban Dictionary. The initial page that popped up had the word, pizzarrhea listed which means: The sudden onset of diarrhea by means of the consumption of pizza, be it bad or otherwise. 

Isn't that just the most awesome word? I've decided I'm going to make it one of my New Year's resolutions, to fit pizzarrhea into the conversation as much as possible. 

It'll be challenging, but I'm up for it. 

Anywhoo, I know I've promised you vacation tales this week, but I have to interrupt the regular scheduled blogging for an announcement. 

I drank the Kool Aid. 

Yes, I did. 

And I believe the flavor was grape which is my absolute favorite Kool Aid. 

I joined Twitter. 

See, I'm really bad at peer pressure. I've always been that way. 

Thank God none of my friends growing up were heroin junkies or arsonists or deviant pizza makers who made bad pizza on purpose just to give people pizzarrhea. Because this life story might have turned out a mite differently. 

I finally jumped on the Twitter Train for a couple of reasons. 

First of all, when and if the high holy day comes that I get a book contract, self promotion these days, is pretty essential for writers. Twitter's great for that. 

Also, I don't know if all of you know this, but I have this group of friends, blog friends, who were haunting my dreams like zombies, with their "Join Twitter. Join Twitter. JOIN TWITTERRRR!" There was even a petition that went around the Internet trying to get me to join Twitter. 

It was kind of flattering. I've never been the subject of a petition before. But maybe that's a good thing, since most petitions with my name on them would probably be about banning me from somewhere or something. 

But even with the JOIN TWITTER peer pressurers, I stayed resolute. 

Because I don't need any more time sucks in my life. 

You should see my laundry room and my starving children. Actually, you shouldn't because you would be ashamed of me, Internet. 

And then, the only other non-Tweeter I know, caved. Cheeseboy sent me a note last week, saying, "I think you should know, I joined Twitter."

And I was all, "The Hell!"

But I still dug in my high heels and thought, to hell with all those twats. 

But then I started thinking about it. Famous people are on Twitter and sometimes if you bug them enough they might tweet you, probably something like: Quit tweeting me before I take out a court order on your Twitter ass

But still attention is attention. 

And then I thought, what if Bono's on Twitter?

Of course, I ran on over there to check it out. 

And yes, Bono was over there. About 50 Bonos were over there. 

So, being the suave and sophisticated social networker I am, who by the way, has never had pizzarrhea, I googled, "Is Bono on Twitter?"

And the answer was a resounding no. All of those Bonos are just a bunch of impostors. 

Who does that, anyway? 12 year old boys?

Edge is on Twitter, though. So, of course, I'm following the Edge because Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, Baby. You just never know who might know someone who knows someone who knows a way to get me backstage and into Bono's arms. 

So anyway, while I was over at the Twitter searching for Bono, I decided to check things out. 

And I discovered they're having a hell of a good time over there. 

It's one big, virtual cocktail party without all the Farmville and Mark Zuckerberg. 

And so on Friday, I contacted Gigi, the goddess of all things technology and said, "Okay, show me how to tweet or twit or twat  or whatever it is you chirps do."

And Gigi, who was trying to make stew, put down her wooden spoon and took me by the hand and led me into the land of Twitterdom. 

The first thing she did, which I think makes all the difference in the world, was she had me set myself up on Tweetdeck, which is like a highly organized efficient way to Tweet. 

Now, I like highly organized. I am not highly organized myself. (Seriously, I found one of my high heels in the wheelbarrow last week. Don't ask because I have no idea.) But that doesn't mean I don't admire highly organized people and things. 

As I was setting up my Tweetdeck, there were some things I couldn't figure out and after a flurry of emails, Gigi said, "Give me your digits. I'm calling you, once I get the stew going."

And so, I got to talk to my Gigi IN REAL LIFE! 

Oh and it was so very thrilling! It was tough, though, because I'm afflicted right now with that annoying cough virus, where you just dry cough all the time and I was hacking all over Gigi, but even with that, it was super, super exciting. 

And wonderful Gigi got me all set up. 

Oh, and we did this covertly because I didn't want any of the petition signing, Zombie, peer pressuring Tweeters to know I was about to enter the fracas. I wanted to surprise them.

But the thing is, Twitter is a small town within a virtual stratosphere and within a matter of minutes, these Twitter people, my lovely, lovely friends knew I had entered their hallowed ground and then, THEN?

Well, let me just say, I have never felt so loved. Seriously. 

Empress and Liz and so many other good and wonderful folks started this campaign to get me up to 100 followers the minute I signed on and they spread the word far and wide that everyone needed to follow me and within the hour, my inbox was flooded with love. Wow.

Beautiful ladies, I only hope I can live up to your Tweet expectations. Thank you so much girls. 

I'm still a bit overwhelmed by it all, but I am getting the hang of things. I think. I'm pretty worried I'm not doing things properly. There are these things like RT's and you must always thank the person who RT'd you. I know, sounds salacious, right?

And there are hashtags and FF's and 

And I'm still working on just staying under 140 characters, at this point. 

I know I'll figure it out in time, but in the meantime I just want to make sure I'm following the proper rules of Twitter etiquette. 

I don't want to be like my grandma who never quite got it that the world no longer looked at smoking as a glamorous thing, but as a carcinogenic that was poisoning the lungs of anyone in its smoky path. 

It didn't matter where we were, whether it be a restaurant, someone's home, church, she would just brazenly demand, "Where's your ashtray?" And then proceed to puff away, whether she got the ashtray or not. And no one, no one, had the nerve to stop her. 

This is the same woman who would hold up the collection basket in church to make herself some change. I always had my suspicions that perhaps her "change" was more than her offering. 

She was a tiny sprite, but tough as nails Irish woman with one leg remarkably shorter than the other and no one ever dared to try and stop her from smoking or making change in church. She gave off a vibe that made you think she might just kick you in the ass with her one super big shoe. I don't know if she would, but I know I never dared tempt her. 

I was always mortified when my grandma took out her ciggies. And I don't want to be that person with my cigarette hanging out of the corner of my mouth, blowing my carcinogenic clouds all over the other Tweeters. 

I'm afraid if I don't follow the etiquette rules the only Twat who'll stay with me will be my first follower—the Circle K Store in Muscatine Iowa. At least, I'll know where to get good deals on cigarettes and Pepto Bismol for any pizzarrhea that might come my way. 

So, if any of you would feel so inclined to share the basic etiquette rules with me and any other Twitter suggestions you might have, I would be forever grateful.

Oh, and if you want to find me on Twitter, you can either hit my Twitter button up there, (thank you Blog Angel, Tinalicious) or you can just Twitter joannmannix. I know. I'm super inventive with my names. 

So now I have to go and figure out how to tweet this and make sure I did the thing correctly. 


Oh and one more thing: Tomorrow my in-laws return and the next day is my mother-in-law's biopsy, so I might be a little absent this week. I hope you all understand. I promise vacation tales are coming. 

I'm going to end this post today with a little treat. So many of you commented on my last post that you wished I'd included a picture of Marky Mark in all my eye candy. Sorry. I was too tired by the time I got to the end of that Moby Dick post. 

But for today, I'd like to give all of you this.
It's such a good vibration. It's such a sweet sensation.

You are welcome.

Today's Definite Download: Not a song, today, but a video. This is going around the Internet and my kids can't get enough of it. I thought it was appropriate to today's post.

This is Josh Groban singing The Tweets of Kanye West.

And all I can say is, I aspire to be this ridiculous in my Tweets. It is just utter Kanye brilliance. Enjoy! And be careful out there with your pizza. I don't want any of you getting pizzarrhea.



Liz said...

Hooray for Joann joining Twitter!

I've never been so honored to have shared my KoolAid before!

LisaPie said...

I can't even tell you how much I love Josh Groban! Cute, funny, talented and just precious.

I tried the twitter a couple years ago and just could not see the point. I guess I will have to be old and out of touch like your Grandma. : )

life in the mom lane said...

I haven't been able to wrap my head around twitter- i just don't really "get" it?!

Nelson's Mama said...

The DeFrancos ;-)

Cheeseboy said...

Well, to be honest, I am still not all that sold on it, even with Tweetdeck. It seems as though I am the lone man amongst a bunch of women and my following is not growing like I had hoped. Plus, I get instant gratification for my status updates on Facebook because people suddenly "like" what I have to say. Twitter, everyone is trying to one up one another. It's just so different.

I'll keep at it though, but I might cave back into no twitterdom.

And Marky Mark? Really? I'm okay with the Bono thing, but I had hoped to not see Marky Mark in his tighty whities here. Perhaps you could add a little Brooke Burke next post?

MommaKiss said...

'Skuze me while I pick up my jaw after seeing Marky Mark.

Love me some twitter. So happy to have ya.

Lisa said...

1. I'm so glad you're on twitter.
2. Please explain to me how it works, because I know how to have my blog posts appear there and that's it.
3. Tweetdeck? Huh?
4. @LisaPie - I love Josh Grobin too. Love. Love. Love.
"You lift me up?" Amazing.
5. You need to offer weekly twitter tutorials for those of us who haven't a clue!
6. Pizzerhea. Awesome!

Heather said...

Great. Now I am the lastish remedial Twitterer. i signed up as I was going to do some cool stuff for school with it. That never came to fruition

Thanks for that pic. I now have to go wipe the drool from my keyboard. And get his twitter number...account..address..whatever.

Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Oh yum, thanks for Marky Mark in his Calvin Kleins. Perfection. Sorry Cheeseboy.

Give me your digits, hashtags and FF's and What is this gobbilty gook? I don't have enough brain energy to figure it all out.

Hubby asked me yesterday, What is this twitter stuff all about? How old did that make him sound? 109 years old that's how old.

JoAnna said...

OK, pizzarhea is just DUMB because it sounds like pizzeria. So, now people are running around talking about how they had pizzarhea and people think they mean they once owned a pizzeria. Tomatoes, tomaaaaahhhhtoes.

I refuse to facebook the way you refused to tweet. But I really will be the last one standing when the walls of facebook come tumbling down on you all.

Deborah said...

Aaaaah! Marky Mark.

I nearly forgot that you joined the twittersphere.

I'm going to follow you! I'm not much of a twatter (no matter what you've heard - ahem), but how fun to have you aboard the LoveTwit.

People all over the world
join TwitTrain, TwitTrain


Shell said...

Was so happy to see you on twitter!

I saw that tweet video the other day and was cracking up.

Rae said...

There's no way I'm ready for Twitter! I just rejoined Facebook and find that I can't get away from it! (and I only have 2 friends!) (Just a joke.) But I'm checking it every five minutes or so and squeezing my brain to say intelligent, yet funny things that people will comment on. Heck, I barely even step away from the computer when I have pizzarrhea!!

Rita Templeton said...

I'm on Twitter, but very infrequently. I forget that it's there! I'll follow you though, so when I do go there, there will be some Joann in my tweet-stream! :)

LOVE the Josh Groban video. Ahahahaha!!

TesoriTrovati said...

Well, I don't like Kool-Aid. Never have. So I am not planning on drinking any of it any time soon. Or tweeting. Time sucks R Us. I have all but abandoned Facebook, and the Farmville Revolution.
But I do have to say that it makes perfect sense that you would do this. I think it will be the place to be for the writer that you are. I couldn't limit myself to just 140characters. Just saying hello to me in the morning warrants about 1,000.
And all I have to say is this...
Look at the unit on that guy!!!!!
Thank you for that. I have a big smile on my face ;-)

Enjoy the day, Joann!

The Zadge said...

Twitter gave me pizzarrhea. I hated it with every DNA molecule in my body and quit after a week.

Unknown said...

That was priceless! Loved it.

I am new to Twitter, too. I have no idea how it works, but my twitter name is queen_o_the_mat.

Noelle said...

Can we still be friends even if I never join Twitter???

MrsJenB said...

Oh, gosh, I swear I had a great comment all lined up about pizzarehea and everything else...but...then there was Marky Mark and I kid you not, I can't think of anything else.

So. Beautiful.

Like, just beautiful.

Okay, I'm gonna go watch this video now. I don't have much experience on Twitter so I'm afraid I can't be much help. It's a major timesuck for me.

twelvedaysold said...

When I saw that video, Josh Groban got about 14 times cooler.

I have to say, I'm not ready for twitter. I tried it. And then I had my poop twitter, which surprisingly a "Dr. Colon" started following. The tweetdeck sounds AWESOME. And someday, when I have a smart phone, instead of having to be near a computer at all times, maybe you'll see me there. And not just my poop announcements.

Gigi said...

So glad I was there to be the midwife for your twitter birth.

Maybe I should become like a Twitter Doula. A Twoula, if you will.

Did you know that I coined the word Twuss in urban dictionary? go see it.

Very happy you're in the land of the tweeting and I was delighted to help. Anytime, friend!

randine said...

I've never twitted or tweeted or whatever, it sounds complicated. Although if it's like Facebook without the Farmville it sounds kind of awesome.

And I'm with you- Grape Kool Aid is the best, so far as Kool Aid goes. Orange is the worst. There should be a petition about that. Or green. Ick.

Anyways, thanks for the eye candy. Technically, we're not supposed to be on the Internet at work, but that? is like a workplace morale thing. It'll make me much more pleasant on this Monday afternoon.

Looking forward to your Mexico stories :)

Mom vs. the boys said...

welcome to twitter! I'm following you now as theonlygirl.
thanks for the daily pic, lovely indeed!

The Furry Godmother said...

A friend of mine is et up with the twitterfication. She tweets every bowel movement (including detailed excerpts from her latest pizzarehia), wait at the DMV, hairball and contents of her lunch plate.

Please do not become her!

Or become her friend on FB. Those usually have iPictures.

jayayceeblog said...

Fabulous word, pizzarrhea! And thank you thank you thank you for the Marky Mark. He is one of my absolute favorites in movieland and I can't believe I haven't seen his newest movie yet. I tweeted for over a year and then one day I just thought 'who cares what I just did' and quit. Haven't tweeted for at least 6 months. You'll have to keep us updated on if you think it's worth the time =D

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

Twitter's OK but I definitely don't spend a lot of time tweeting around. Seems a little too frenetic for my taste. Speaking of taste, Randine, come ON, orange Kool-Aid is just as good as grape, only without the Jonestown implications. I'd even do green in a pinch. Suddenly I'm craving Kool-Aid.
Oh, thanks for the Cheeseboy introduction. He's funny!

Anonymous said...

going to follow Cheeseboy now. I hope he doesn't have pizzarhea tonight.

Anonymous said...

I STILL have not figured out the Tweetdeck. Sigh.

Judie said...

You are so funny! How can anyone feel like they just had a trainload of shit dumped on them with you around! What a relief! that wasn't shit! It was just rocks, thanks to your humor!

Unknown said...

I'm glad you finally drank the koolaid because it lead me to your lovely blog.
I knew you were good peeps when you tweeted about twats, but pizzahrea...
You now have a friend for life.
(even if our thoughts on cereals differ)

Sandra said...

I can't believe you just joined Twitter and you already have almos 200 followers! Lady! Mind you, I don't know how the damn thing works, but I just like numbers!
Anyway, glad you introduced me to pizzerhea. Since I suffer from chronic constipation, I'm hoping a bout of pizzarhea would clean me out...TMI? Sorry, I'm divulgent that way.
Anyway, I'm following you on Twitter, just in case our paths should ever cross on there and I figure out what the heck I'm doing.

Katie Gates said...

OMG, your posts are SO entertaining! What a distinctive voice you have. I must say, though, I can't imagine receiving only 140 characters from you at a time. And since I'm not a twitter-reader... hmm...what's the word for that?... I won't be following in that techno-venue. Enjoy it, though! Sounds like you've got a mega-support network ready to read your tweets!!! You go, girl!

Tracie Nall said...

I grew up in a Kool Aid-free house. It was a sad place.

You have made my Kool Aid-less bruised feelings feel a bit better by your decision to join twitter.

That video is too awesome.

Anonymous said...

Love the Josh Grogan video. Black is the new black, hee hee.
I'm still not a twitterer.

Anonymous said...

I'm not what you'd call faithful to Twitter, but I do enjoy. Now that you're there, I'm sure it's going to be way more fun! :) Off to follow you right now!

Pat said...

Just count me among your friends from the dinosaur age, I guess, 'cause this twit with a twat will never tweet! I hardly even text!

But, congrat's to you, sweetie!

Just A Normal Mom said...

Pizzarrhea? I love Urban Dictionary! This post was hilarious. Welcome to twitter. When you figure it all out, maybe you can post those of us still pretending we know what we're doing (that would be me) some instructions!

Kimberly said...

I wanted to leave a fun witty comment about welcoming you to twitter but my eyes got blinded by sweet chiseled hotness that is the Marky Mark in undwear glory. Swoon

julie said...

So glad you joined twitter - otherwise I'd never have known that I just endanged my children's future reputations by feeding the pizza for breakfast

(hey. it was leftover from Sunday night and they wanted it. who am I to say no?)

You make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts.

Or maybe that's the pizzarhea.

Nah. It's you.


Bossy Betty said...

I am still confused by Twitter and have not joined the cult. Glad you are all grown up and took the plunge! I now have hope for my own self-development.

MrsBlogAlot said...

Joann, I am crying over that video!!!!

How do I possibly thank you for that laugh I needed today?!

I might even tweet something (yeah right, if I even remember my password!)

But once I do, I WILL find you on there and proudly join the ranks of Joann lovers.(-;

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I am on Twitter and bad at it; just because it's just a time suck. You will go places you never thought you'd land. For hours. It's really good for the things you are thinking about; book tour, traveling. Learn about the hash tag, it will be your best friend.

Anonymous said...

I'm on the fence about Twitter. I have an account and everything but I'm not in love with it like some people are. I think I might be too old to tweet.

Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him said...

While Gigi was there to guide your hand gently, I not so gently bound and gagged you with your own dirty underwear to get you on. Well, I didn't but I told everyone on Twitter that I did. So it has to be true. If you can score some Bono undies, I'll hit him up too. Bono totally considers underwear beneath him.

I do too.

Baby Sister said...

I have set up two different accounts with twitter just to follow people...and I can't remember either one of them. :)
I loved the Farmville had me laughing.
I will have to listen to Josh when I get stole the speakers and it's too much of a pain to hook up my earphones to the tower.
Good luck with the in-laws and the biopsy!!

Mary Beth said...

This is the first time I have read your blog and I laughed out loud. Between reminding me of Kool Aid (I was a huge ecto cooler fan back in the day) and admitting your lack of knowledge around Twitter (I have no idea how it works), I'm hooked :). Thanks for the laughs!

Alexandra said...

THAT night ? Of your twitter birth? Had my eyes streaming with tears.

It was a beautiful thang...just...beeyooeeful.

Leanne said...

I just read the first two paragraphs and can't get through the rest ... I'm laughing so hard, tears are coming down my face - I'll be back later to read more...cause I need to get a tissue!

Unknown said...

I am a Twitter hold-out as well. I just don't understand its appeal...Then again, I was the last person on the planet to get a cell phone (and I STILL really don't get the appeal of that unless you are in an emergency!). I think I'd like to live in the 60s and 70s again. Simple is better.

SoMo Mom said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. For the humor, for the "boring people" comments ... and for the Marky-Marky Eye Candy. Holy Crap! I am SOOOOO on the Laundry hurts my feeling bandwagon! I found you from a Mommygosomethingsomething blog comment about the dentist and it made me laugh. True story: After delivering her baby, my girlfriend (ahem, really, it wasn't me) told the the nurse who was "sewing" her up to make her "15 again!" Fifteen... seriously? She couldn't have said 20 or something. Her husband was horrified!
Anyways, pop on over to for a little bit of anti-supermom humor.

Michelle said...

Hello, my name is Michelle and I am a Twitter Hold Out. I still can't bring myself to do it. It seems like everyone I know is caving lately though so I'm guessing I won't be able to hold out much longer without looking like that asshole just holding out for the sake of holding out.

Nicki said...

Although I have a twitter acct and I have been called a twat on numerous occasions, I have not figured that thing out yet! I decided that it is useless to try until I get my cell phone upgrade. Tweeting/twatting/twatever it is called is not easy to do with a phone that doesn't get the internet! Congrats on all the love! <3

Anonymous said...

One night I sat and read all of your tweets! Were you overwhelmed?

I will use tweet deck now if it makes it easy because I need to be better at it.

I didn't even know that you needed to thanks everyone who mentions you. Oops.

Grace said...

Ah, Marky Mark. I took my kid to see The Fighter, and he was all "Mark Wahlberg" is such an awesome actor. I said something to the effect of "Marky Mark -- who'd of thunk it?" And my kid had no idea who Marky Mark was. So I googled him and showed him the very picture you've posted. So cute.

I'm following you as soon as I finish this comment.

Dawn in D.C. said...

I do not tweet. And frankly, I kinda don't understand the purpose of the tweet and why anyone would care about what I would manage to tweet about.

If one is following 83477256 celebrities, along with all their favorite bloggers, like you Ms. Joann, when do they have time to do their jobs and stuff? Do these people sit glued to the computer screen, anxiously awaiting pearls of wisdom from Ashton, Lindsay or even Kanye with his ridculous self?

No offense, but I'm pretty sure I have a stack of books on my new kindle that I would rather read.

Apparently, I just don't "get it". *sigh* sucks getting old.

Rebecca Grace said...

I hope all goes well with your MIL's biopsy. I have to admit, I am not exactly sure what Twitter IS -- is it just like text messages on your cell phone, except they blast out to the whole world? I was really hoping that Twitter was a fad and that it would just go away before I had to deal with it. If I'm this crotchety at 37, just imagine what a stick-in-the-mud I'll be by the time I'm in my sixties! I'll bet I'll give your grandmother a run for her offering money. But seriously, please post more about Twitter for ignorant fools like me: the Tweet Who, Tweet What, Tweet When, Tweet Where, and most important of all, the Tweet WHY! Thank you!

Kelly said...

That picture of Mark Wahlberg when he was still Marky Mark of the Funky Bunch always brings quite the smile to my face. Sigh.

Ok, the Twitter. I've had a Twitter account for I don't know how long and I rarely use it and I don't know nuthin' 'bout Tweetdecks and Twitter etiquette and all that stuff and I think I'm okay with it.

And of course I will follow you, follow you wherever you may go...

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog. I hope you find those frogs that keep your money hopping back and I hope they work overtime. XD

Ash said...

Have to admit, I refused to sign the petition. Not because I don't love me some Joann hilarity in scrumptious little 140 bite-sized nuggets, but because I love me some Joann doing revisions.

No pressure.


Missy@Wonder, Friend said...

Have I mentioned how thrilled I am that you're on Twitter. Thrilled. Utterly.

And pizzarrhea? So gross it's good.

Jerry said...

Congratulations with your twitting...tweeting...whatever. I have successful withstood the demands that I Twitter and Facebook -- and when I see the aggravation around me because of something someone said somewhere in those venues -- am a better man for it.

alicia said...

So glad to hear you will be around twitterland. Maybe I'll even tweet now and again just to see if you are twitterin.

W.C.Camp said...

Yay you finally have been 'twitified'!!! If you start tweeting too much you may suffer Tweetarhhea too. Take some pepto and and a 'tweet-retreat' for relief. By the way was the reference to the 'Moby Dick' of a post due to that Marky Mark picture? I'm confused? W.C.C.

Suniverse said...

Oh. My.

I LOVE Marky Mark. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Thanks for that photo.

I'll read the rest of this post later. I just need to get back to the pic.

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