Tuesday, March 29, 2011
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Hi, Guys!
Before we break out in Double Dream Hands, my girls' favorite new ridiculous video,
I'm not back . . . yet.
I'm just stopping by to say I haven't forgotten a single one of you. And oh, my friends, I've been missing you!
I miss you like I miss blueberry cake doughnuts. And I reeeeaally miss those scrumptious circles of lard. See, before I hit 30, I could pretty much shovel anything down my piehole and speaking of pie, that would include those little fruit pies by Hostess. You know the ones—the fried dough filled with faux fruit goo and countless insect parts. And, trust me, I was well aware my pies contained fruit-fly heads, but I still held a great fondness for those processed fried slabs of mystery goo.
But not as much as I loved blueberry cake doughnuts. I would eat those babies by the delicious dozen. But then one day, I looked behind me and was all, "Heyyyy, where did this lard ass come from?" And that's when I knew my body had stopped metabolizing lard so efficiently and instead had planted it onto my ass.
Thus the origin of the term, lard ass.
If you didn't know that little fun fact, you are welcome for today's vocabulary lesson.
I also wanted to thank all of you, for your condolences and your encouragement and your thoughtfulness and your love. Most importantly your love.
It was really tough for me to leave the blog world temporarily. I was so afraid you folks would forget me. Every few days, I'd click on my blog with a wince, not wanting to peek at my numbers. I figured everyone had run away in droves. But my numbers never went down. In fact, instead of losing followers, I gained some.
So I just wanted to say thanks so much for staying with me. You guys are my blueberry cake doughnuts. Not that you give me a lard ass. Well, you know what I mean.
Anyway, I thought I'd update you on my progress.
It's going really well. The last few weeks have been prolific ones and my revisions are all coming together.
And even though I miss you all like doughnuts, I love being back in my writer's mode, that place where you're so inside your work that when real life interrupts, it's actually quite startling. I live the biggest part of my day in this writer haze. Although, I think my introspectiveness flusters my hubs. He's used to incessant chatter from me.
Just to give you an idea of what I'm doing with my non blogging time, this is my writing studio.
March and April are the two months out of the year, Florida isn't broiling. Well, there are those, like two days in December when Jack Frost visits for a little R&R, but the rest of the time, we're smothered in heat.
And to take advantage of the soft breeze and the blue skies, I've moved my writing spot to my back patio. This is where I sit and hammer out the words that will hopefully, someday find their way to your bookstore, if there are any bookstores left, that is. Perhaps Amazon will own the wold by then and we'll all have microchips embedded in our brain where we won't even need an electronic device. We'll just read our books from the backs of our eyes. Also too, we will all have robot servants. I want a robot who will do everything for me and that includes doing my workout lunges to keep the lard out of my ass and one who specializes in yelling at my kids to clean their dung dungeon up.
Anyway, I have a few more weeks and then I'll be back, annoying you with my tales of madness.
Since I've been doing nothing but writing, I haven't gotten into any trouble, so I have no tales to give you.
Instead, I thought I'd confess—I've been cheating on you. Because in every part of my life, I try to inject a little scandaliciousness. (Not a word, but I like it.)
Since I'm not doing a lot of blog visiting, I've transferred my social networking love to Twitter.
Twitter is like blueberry cake doughnuts and Hostess fruit pies, sans the fly heads, served to you on a silver tray by Bono.
It took a while for me to warm up to it but once I really got into the groove, I realized it was just this constant party that never shuts down. And the best thing is, you have to be funny or lovely or breathtaking or awesome in just 140 characters which is efficient, but super challenging. It also takes a lot less time to read a tweet than a blog, so that's another reason why I'm having an affair with Twitter right now. Its fast pace works well in my life at this moment.
Also too, I have impressed the middle school car pool, which is pretty much impossible to do. My Julia mentioned one day to the carful of eye rollers that I was on Twitter. One of the girls, exclaimed, "Mrs. Mannix, YOU TWITTER?"
And I was all, "Well, actually I tweet. And yes, I do. Is that embarrassing?" You see, I'm used to mortifying the middle school crowd. It's one of the things I do best in life.
And the girl said, "No! That is just awesomely cool! I don't know any old people who Twitter."
Whatever. I'll take it.
So, here's a few of the reasons I am in love with Twitter.
And be warned, the next part of this post is filled to the brim with name dropping because, well, I'm just an ass like that.
The first thing I do in the morning is check my Twitterdeck. So many of my friends are on Pacific Coast Time, so while they're busy being witty, I'm busy sleeping on my big puddle of pillow drool.
Every morning I get my coffee and head to my Twitter to catch up from the overnight crowd, but also for a little something else, something very special. I love eavesdropping on three of my favorite writers and friends.
Erin, Ash and Nancy have made a writer's pact with each other. In the early hours of the morning, while the rest of their households sleep, they are up writing. Getting it done. They check in with each other every morning, I never butt in, but I get such a lovely thrill being this voyeur, peeking in on their constant support of each other. Go, Writer Girls, Go! And thanks for such a wonderful beginning to my mornings.
In Twitter, there is always someone really fun to tweet around with, like Gigi and The Empress and Liz or any one the rest of the Lady Bloggers, as Cheeseboy has so eloquently labeled us with one of his most hilarious posts. In fact, there was recently a certain tweetfest started by Liz who tweeted she'd been solicited by a Jim Wang. I, too, had received the same Wang email, so I chimed in that I'd been Wanged. And suddenly Wang took on a life of its own. There were dozens of tweets from lady bloggers who'd all been Wanged. Sadly, The Purse Blogger had not been Wanged. We commiserated with her over her lack of Wang. And for a few days, we were all 12-year-old boys with our talk of Wang. We now have a new hashtag, #LoveTheWang.
Cheeseboy came in on the tail end of our Wang talk going, "Who is Wang?" And I'm not pinning Cheese to the wall or anything, but I'm pretty sure there's about to be a Cheeseboy post coming out of our Wang talk.
One of the best rock star Tweeters of all is Erin from I'm Gonna Kill Him. She fits so much wit and fun in her 140 characters. I am always in constant awe. For instance, here's her latest tweet.
She and I have been known to trashtweet the Housewives as we're watching them. Erin, I'm really hating/loving the OC girls. Perhaps a tweet party is in store in the near future.
And here's one of the greatest things about Twitter. You can actually interact with celebrities. You know— the special people.
I'm no Surferwife, who hangs with all the Twitter celebrities and is a Twitter celebrity herself. I'm kind of shy and starstruck, so I don't interact with many of them . . . yet.
Bono, of course, was the first to come to mind when I joined Twitter. It turns out Bono isn't on Twitter. But the day he joins, I guarantee you I'll be right there tweeting, "Still haven't found what you're looking for? Yo! Over here in Fl. I'm in a pink sweater!"
I also follow Mark Ruffalo but I haven't tweeted anything to him. He's very serious on the Twitter with his discourses on religion and politics and sustainable water. My tweets are more . . . fluffy.
Well, here's an example.
My standard tweet:
Here's a standard tweet of Mark Ruffalo's:
@Mruff221
via Spaz Favorite Retweet
My response to him would be something like,
"No one wants their boss to be Gas! Gross! Did u see Housewives last night? Let's discuss."
And that's when he would block me.
So, I don't reply to any of his tweets. I probably would however join him in a protest about something, anything. I really don't care what. If he wanted to protest those big claw hairclips, or more importantly, big claw hair clips on our world leaders,
I'd be in.
Because when we all held hands in unified protest, I'd make sure I was right next to him. And I probably wouldn't be able to resist doing that thing where you rub your finger up and down on the hand holder's palm. Just because.
I mean, have you seen Mark Ruffalo?
Also, too, knowing my luck, when they came to arrest the protesters, I'd be the first one they'd haul away. The police would be all, "Leave the handsome star alone. Take the girl doing creepy things to his hand. I don't care if she won't let go. Break her hand if you have to!"
And then there's Fabio Viviani.
Ahhh, Chef Fabio. He is as charming in his tweets as he is on Top Chef. And his tweets are much more my style. Take for instance, this one
@fabiovivianiFabio Viviani Why my mustard bottle insist on peeing on my sandwich before dispensing my mustard ?? via HootSuite Favorite Retweet
So, since his tweets don't intimidate me and I understand them, I mean mustard does pee a little at first, I tend to tweet back at him.
He doesn't reply to me. Nor does he follow me.
My friend Shell adores Fabio just as much as I do. And in her first Tweet to Fabio, he followed her.
She tweeted something about having some Nutella, *wink*. It was a Siren song and if you've seen Shell, with her long flowing blonde locks and her gorgeous looks, you know she is exactly the kind of Siren, men go running to in droves.
So not fair. My hair is not flowing. It's boy short and meth head thin.
But even though Fabio doesn't follow me, there came the memorable day. . .
He tweeted back to me.
Yes, he did.
And don't be jealous. We can't all tweet with the special people, especially the hot, Italian chef special people.
Here's how it all went down.
Fabio is creating a t-shirt that says Team Fabio with proceeds going to the people of Japan. He sent out a twit pic of the mockup of his t-shirt and asked us all what we thought. I felt the words were too high on the shirt and I also wondered if there would be a ladies T, since I don't wear boxy man t-shirts and so I responded in kind.
And that's when Fabio sent this.
Get ready.
Hang on.
I know, right? I think this means we're best friends, either that, or he loves me. Try not to be too jealous. It's just the way it is.
So, that's about all the exciting news I've got for you.
If you feel like joining the big cocktail party conversation going on over there. I've got a twitter button up top that will take you right to my Twitter page. You can also find me @joannmannix, because I'm super inventive with names.
I'm sorry to say, I'm still not visiting blogs and no, it's not because I think I'm one of the special people since I'm now best friends with Fabio. It's because if I start reading blogs, I won't be able to stop and I need to stay in my writer's world. It's exactly where I'm supposed to be in the universe right here, right now. I promise, promise, promise to shower you all with my undivided attention and love when I get back.
And like Ahnold said, "Ah'll be back."
Until then, stay classy and I love you all. You're my blueberry cake doughnuts.
Today's Definite Download: An oldie, but a definite goodie. P Diddy's live MTV tribute to his dearly departed friend Notorious B.I.G. "I'll Be Missing You."
I picked this for so many reasons.
For this line, "Life ain't always what it seems to be. Words can't express what you mean to me."
Also because the combination of Puff, Faith Evans, Sting and the gospel choir are just fabuloscrumptious.(Not a word, but I like it.)
And too? Sting in that suit. Damn, that is one fine looking man.
But mostly, because of this dance, Diddy is doing at the beginning. That dance? That's me, my friends. That's exactly how I flail around my patio after a good writing day. Just a handy little image for you to keep of me while you're waiting.
I'll see you soon. In fact, this was fun, I might peek in on you again. Keep watching for me. And I can always be found on Twitter.
XXXXOOOOO
@gonnakillhimI'm Gonna Kill Him
My toddler asked if I'm wearing a bra to his school. I can only hope these are his words and not the principal's.
@joannmannixjoann mannix
Note to self: Do not try to trim the dog's face after having a glass of wine. At least she doesn't care she's sporting one damn fine mullet.
Mark Ruffalo
The reason I am not going on the show Energy Now is that is funded by Chesapeake Energy. Can it really be unbiased when the boss is Gas? No.
I'd be in.
Ahhh, Chef Fabio. He is as charming in his tweets as he is on Top Chef. And his tweets are much more my style. Take for instance, this one
@joannmannix will def move the words lower and offer lady option
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48 comments:
For the record - blueberry cake are my fav as well. And I worked in a bakery in high school, I've tried them all. BB cake - da bomb.
Adore, adore, adore your writing studio. Spanish moss - get out!! I love you like I love writing morning pages with Nancy and Erin, so I refuse to be jealous. Go Joann, go!!
P.S. I printed out my tweet from Jennifer Weiner :)
oh my gosh I am laughing SO hard, and NOW I have to follow Fabio. He sounds hilarious.
Not Mark. He sounds BORING.
I hate twitter. I accidentally followed a tweeter (?) that only tweets scalloped potato recipes. I thought the name "scalloped potato" was a joke, like someone with a sense of humor. It was all very real my friend.
I love me some blueberry cake doughnuts. Yum.
Write write write!! And then make sure that you have a picture taken in your beautiful writing studio (for the back cover of your book).
I would be happy to protest big claw hairclips.... especially on world leaders. Doesn't Chelsea know that it is her job to keep her mom's fashion in line? That is what daughters do, right? Complain when their mom embarrasses them? Because when her mom goes out in public like that, she is embarrassing all of us. sheesh.
See ya around twitter! =)
Blueberry cake doughnuts. The best. The only ones I eat.
That video had me peeing my pants! Who is that dweebie guy and why is he doing this in khakis? Freestyle, great ending.
I don't know how to tweet or I would join you. I can so relate to Fabio and the peeing mustard. Just really irks me. Every time. Squeeze. Damn it!
Miss your funniness.
Oh, woman..you have been out of the game TOO Effin LONG:
did you not read that tweet?
From Fabio?
The one where he "offers the lady an option:
and you DON'T JUMP ON IT?
Talk about missing the #wanglesson.
so glad you're back, even if it's for like 2.4 seconds.
i'd be super inspired to write too if this were the view i had all day, every day. wow!
i must be a total geek because the other day, a student told me she heard about this geek girl camp thing at her father's college and she immediately thought i should be there. when i said i was, she got so excited. until i said it because i was selling my jewels there. but we agreed that i know a buttload of computerese.
i had never thought of using twitter the way you do. for the mini conversations. i think i might start doing just that. i have only used it for things i think should be announced, like the monthly lia sophia specials. but when there are those one liners that i need to share with the world, like whether or not to wear a bra to pick up a kid at school, i'm gonna share cuz you said it's ok!!
You are so funny! I love Twitter, too, and all of those tweeps. I love your backporch more. Can I come sit with you while you type??
Thank you for visiting. You know we adore you.
So does that video have something to do with Glee? I don't watch enough tv. It looks like a Glee kinda dance, though. I'm going to learn that dance and then come visit. We can put on a show for the middle school girls. And then tweet about it.
Mark Ruffalo is from the area I live in. There are many Ruffalo family members out and about here.
Perhaps I could stalk them for you? Leave pics of you laying around with your twitter handle and hope that he just happens to be home for a visit?
Send me a picture of you with a nice big hair clip in your hair, munching on blueberry donuts and I'm sure he won't be able to stop himself from running to the computer and start following you on Twitter ASAP.
Glad the writing process is going well. It's to bad you have such a stuffy hole to do your writing in. That was sarcasm, you lucky girl. What a great place to write.
First of all- blueberry cake donuts are my FAVORITE. And do you know where the Dunkin Donuts is in my town? DIRECTLY across from the gym. It takes a lot of will power to turn left and not right, to work out instead of get one of those delicious donuts.
Two, I want to come visit and hang out on your back patio. Please. I plan on raiding your wine cellar first though.
Nextly, which is not a word, but I'm trying to get off this numbers thing, twitter is so addictive. And I'm glad that you are on there!
Fabio...oh, I love Fabio. I just bought his breakfast cookbook for my kindle the other day. It reads just like he talks. AND he is going to be on the finale of Top Chef tomorrow. Hubs tried to plan a date for us tomorrow and I just gave him a dirty look and said okay, but I must be home by 10.
Erin(I'mgonnakillhim) is the only person who ever responded to me on twitter. I met her at the bloggy boot camp in Philadelphia. I just don't get the whole twitter fascination, but I'll keep trying.
(I'm queen_o_the_mat)
Lady, for just an 'update' you gave me so much laughter. I feel I need an agenda to discuss this in depth:
1. I think it is just my son - and not the principal - who feels I should be clad in a bra. Although she did seem to be checking out my chest today, but I suspect it's because my shirt has a lot of lame appliques on it today.
2. I love that he wrote you on Twitter! I was over the moon when Susan Orlean followed me on Twitter. Now if only she'd respond to my marriage proposal.
3. Mark Ruffalo looks extra spicy in that picture.
4. Hilary Clinton looks extra dowdy in hers. That's one degree short of a banana clip. I bet she uses that to negotiate peace treaties in Palestine.
5. Thinking of you - hope the writing is going well. I'll be in B&N with all the other moms, screaming my head off for an autograph.
6. Also thinking of your family. Hope the healing is underway.
7. Oh, and word up Eva! Keep on Twitter. Usage begets followers.
I may never get over not being Wanged.
I love twitter! It is so addictive! I love tweeting certain celebs and I get a thrill if they tweet back. :)
SO glad you're on there girl! Love our Wang tweets.
Oh my God. I will move the hell over in my tweet studded celebyness and welcome you with open arms. You are famous now.
To be honest? I feel famous for being mentioned in this blog post. No joke. I am honored.
Mark Ruffalo is yummy.
Glad you're getting your writing done, though I miss your writing on here. I may have to find you on twitter. My username is brilliantly creative as well.
Knowing just how hard you have been working on your re-write, I have purposely left you alone to be creative. Now I see that you have written a post that made me pee myself. I will now stalk you.
ha!!! mustard bottle peeing on the sandwich!!! too funny! so cool that you got a celeb to respond, he must be totally into you!! good to have you back, even if it was just for a moment!
Oh, dear God, I didn't know whether to jump up and participate with the Dream Hands guy or punch him in the shoulder ... chin! I actually got back on Twitter yesterday after a long break and followed you. Now I think I must go off and follow Fabio because you know he can make anything sound good with that accent ... dog sheeet!
Love your writing studio!
I don't tweet, but sheesh, look what I'm missing!
Keep revising, the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT a train coming at you! Hang in there! You're almost home!
You don't have a whole lot of Twitter under your belt but you've got it nailed. And Fabio? Love the "lady option." he tweets like he talks!
Keep plugging away, girl! rock that novel!!!
ps yes, Erin is a rock star tweeter. one of my faves.
Jump in ANYTIME! Give me another reason to get out of bed.
And I got a tweet from Jennifer Weiner too. And Amalah, who is a blogger girl. That's my brush with fame.
No wang, alas.
Thank you for renewing my love for the Twit. 'Twas backing off a bit.
First off! How can you help but not write a best seller on that porch!
The video was an excellent way to start the day. My boys watched it and crowed and hooted before school this morning! Thanks for the good time!
And I was once Direct Messaged on twitter by country musician Jimmy Wayne about dogs rolling on poop and animal carcasses. True story.
Glad to see you around lady!
So proud of you and all your writing! And love your 'studio'. Some day I'll move outside, too... when the snow melts and the temp moves above zero... before the blackflies come out, before it starts snowing again.. that's about 25 minutes, total, and I'm usually working during it.
Missed you TERRIBLY!!!!
I'm following Margaret Atwood on Twitter and she's funny! And she's always tweeting! Celebs are so much fun. Off to stalk Mark Ruffalo - ok, so maybe he's boring, but as you say, LOOK at him!!!!
So proud of you and all your writing! And love your 'studio'. Some day I'll move outside, too... when the snow melts and the temp moves above zero... before the blackflies come out, before it starts snowing again.. that's about 25 minutes, total, and I'm usually working during it.
Missed you TERRIBLY!!!!
I'm following Margaret Atwood on Twitter and she's funny! And she's always tweeting! Celebs are so much fun. Off to stalk Mark Ruffalo - ok, so maybe he's boring, but as you say, LOOK at him!!!!
The clip. Is she serious? Way to make America look even more ridiculous, Hill.
Anyway, I'm glad you're still tweeting because you rarely fail to crack me up - especially the 'dog mullet' bit you just referenced. You know a tweet is good when someone can remember reading it when it was first tweeted. :)
Did you ever once imagine that Twitter would include the awesomeness that is the Wanger? And the awesome hashtags that go with that?
I'm super glad your edits are going so well. I hope you see you back in full force very soon!
Where was I when Fabio tweeted you!!! I am so jealous!
Also, forget about meeting up when you come to Chi-town...after seeing your patio, I'm coming to you!!
First of all, fly heads? Not so bad, really.
But not as tasty as Bono or Mark Ruffalo or Fabio.
And second, I have missed your posts but that's not very original. Everyone misses you.
And lastly (lapsed English teacher makes use of transitions), I have to go back to bed now so I can dream of writing on your back patio. Holy crap, lady. Broiling or not?
That is some gorgeousness.
And before I go, allow me to thank you for posting that picture of Hillary Clinton in a claw clip.
That's a win right there.
Joann, thanks to your twitter feed I have found all kinds of cool people to follow! Wondering if there enough hours in the day to keep up with it all? And how cool was that you got a tweet back from super chef? Glad you popped in from your writing spot, which PS, looks like some gorgeous Italian villa. Sigh.
So glad to hear from you! TOO. Much. Stimulation. Hard for me to concentrate right now. I am still really , really stuck on the mustard thing.
Ha ha! Your "Just checking in" post is still like 5 times longer than any of my posts ever.
I appreciate the Lady Blogger love. Kinda wish I had some man blogger love.
That came out really wrong.
Your writing space looks a lot like my "happy place". Except in my happy place, Mark Ruffalo is fanning me with giant palm leaves.
Ha ha! Your "Just checking in" post is still like 5 times longer than any of my posts ever.
I appreciate the Lady Blogger love. Kinda wish I had some man blogger love.
That came out really wrong.
Your writing space looks a lot like my "happy place". Except in my happy place, Mark Ruffalo is fanning me with giant palm leaves.
Hooray for Twitter, indeed. It's all manners of awesomeness.
Good luck with revisions!
Hi there, spectacular article enjoyed a lot,I think we could became blog palls lol!
Apart all Jokes I´m Felipe, like you, I write online, even tought my blog theme is very different from this.....
I write poker sites about free money to play poker........
Enjoyed a lot reading this!
Yep, I don't think Mark Ruffalo would get you.
I thought I was following you on twitter. Must get this situation remedied immediately!
You almost make me want to join Twitter, but not quite. You and P Diddy could be twins, I'm not sure I could tell you apart if you were standing next to one another. You should video yourself doing your writer's dance and tweet it to him. I think we all would enjoy that.
Blueberry Pop Tarts maybe but no way would I ruin a doughnut with those gooey berries. You have already ruined the whole bad-boy image I had of doughnuts anyway by spelling it properly. I like my DONUTS plain and bland like my personality. Hope you are healing as best as you can. Our thoughts are with you! Hang in there. W.C.C.
Nice to see you poke your head out a little. :) Enjoy the writing!!
I have been missing you!!
Can't wait till your book is done! Can't wait until it is in a bookstore near me!
And yes, even though I've never heard of Fabio, I am jealous! I keep tweeting at Cher but the bitch pretends I'm not there.
And yeah, my tweets are pretty fluffy, but I could never outdo the peeing mustard bottle. I think you have the monopoly on that one.
I am laughing hysterically. How do I not chat with you on twitter. I aim to fix that. Although I was not wanged either so now I feel all kinds of left out, of course. I'm so happy that your writing is going well and man - what a lovely place to write!
Good luck!
There's just sooo much to comment on - old people tweeting (or twittering), even older people wearing big hair clips, Mark Ruffalo ... when you're back, you're back with a vengeance. (Even if you're not back) grin
And you are my cake donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles on top! I loved this and didn't realize how much I had been missing you. I am not a Twit (Twitterer? Tweeter? What IS the correct vernacular?) but your posts are so funny I might be persuaded to read them now and again. I think that 140 characters might be the death of me though, so I would leave it to the professionals.
And for the record, I think that tweet from your hot Italian chef means that you are well on the way to having a 5 course meal created just for you. ;-)
Enjoy the day!
Erin
Now go and write like the wind, Joann!
I am so happy you are writing and finally fitting it in!!! When I saw this post come through it made me smile to see you putting yourself first.
I miss blogging too, but my projects are taking some time - not to mention that I have added a little more to my "plan."
I'd intended to be on Twitter, but I just don't have a minute to spare. It will all work out in the end if anyone even still remembers me.
Oh and I got an iMac and a MacBook!!!! It boggles my mind that people don't like Macs. What's not to like? They are magical.
Oh and I am now an Apple Developer - isn't that nuts? There is an app in my future...
I sorta hate Twitter and only check it out once in a while on my BlackBerry.
But I LOVE me some Fabio. Off to follow him. Thanks for the tip.
First - that's the view while you are writing? I am so jealous. That is gorgeousness in the extreme. Love that.
Second - Mark Ruffalo. He's mine woman. Back the hell off cutie-blondie-girl. You have Bono. What more do you need? hehehe
If I were able to sit near him I'd have my elevator speech all prepared to sound semi-intelligent then I'd just nod and say things like, "yes, I peddle 17 miles to work even in the winter Mark, it's the least I can do. Oh? You want to spoon with me in the morning after a long night of 'talking'? Git on over here boy.
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