Finding A Husband With The Help Of Feminine Hygiene Products
Friday, September 9, 2011

Let's just get it out in the open. Right here. Right now. 

I have been so rude to each and every one of you. 

And that's not like me. I'm not rude unless you're driving like an idiot and I'm stuck behind you. And then, all bets are off. 

But I've been so negligent with all of you. I haven't had a chance to visit anyone and for that, please forgive me. 

I've been so solely focused on getting my novel out to agents that I've been eating, breathing, sleeping and oftentimes drinking my manuscript (and a few other libations), getting my work in fighting shape. It was supposed to go out this week, but there was this heart-stopping moment when my word file got corrupted and I watched all my words get eaten up by tiny black squares. And yes, I save, but I hadn't yet backed up this final draft. Luckily, my hubs was able to recover it. Unfortunately, some key pieces in my last revision were gone, but nothing I couldn't push my sleeves up and redo again. 

Next week, it will be shopped out to literary agents. So next week, you can guarantee I'll be getting my first official rejections—from the literary world, that is. And next week, I promise to come a-calling. 

But I have other big and exciting news today. 

Today, I am the guest blogger at Things I Can't Say, the blog of the amazing and splendiferous Shell. 

When she asked me to guest on the inaugural post of her new series, Things They Can't Say, 

I was so honored and thrilled because she is not only one of my favorite people in blogland, she is also one of my faves in the real world. 

And that says a lot, since we've never met. 

But I feel like we have, through our emails and tweets and comment love and bloggy friendship. And well, just head on over there because I gush some more about her in my post. Because how can you not gush if you know Shell. She's gushable. (Not a word, but I like it.) We need to send that word to Urban Dictionary with Shell's picture as the definition. 

I'm over there, giving my two cents about the best qualities to look for in a husband and it may or may not have to do with tampons. Because that's how I roll. Weirdly. I roll weirdly. 


If you're new to my place, thanks for coming over. You might regret it, but I'll try my best not to make you hate yourself too much in the morning. 

Here's a few of my less lucid moments, if you're really brave:

One of the many, many times I have made a complete and utter jackass of myself:

The time my dogs, The Moron Twins, almost killed me:

And if you're in more of a weepy mood, here's a piece I wrote to my eldest girl, away at college:

And there's a whole bunch more up top in my faves, because clearly I love myself. 

So, that's it for now. 

Go see the beautiful, rock star Shell and tell her I said she's just plain gushable. 

See you next week!



Shell said...

Oh, my sweet friend. THANK YOU.

You have no idea what your words mean to me this morning.

I am so excited for your book. I just know that it will be a success! Though it should probably come with a pack of tissues.

Love you.

Lisa said...

I'm heading over to read about husbands and tampons...but first I had to say Congratulations again. This is so exciting and I absolutely can't wait to see your novel in print and get to read it! Hooray for you!

The Woven Moments said...

So happy to have found you through your guest post!!!

Absolutely love the tampon-buying-husband advice. They really are the keepers.

Diane said...

Came over from Shell's. I am you newest fan!

Stefanie said...

Wow, I read you on Shell's blog and can so identify and agree with you.
Love your take on a happy marriage, clearly I am missing out by getting all my own toiletries.
Thanks for the laugh.

Unknown said...

I'm heading over there now!

Rita Templeton said...

Oooh, going to Shell's! I think she's gushable, too. :) And so are you, so it's a great combination of gushability!

twelvedaysold said...

Congrats, Joann!

Also, we all know you're busy with the book. Don't worry about neglecting blogs to push your book out there. I'm so excited for you to be querying!

Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Stop with the apologies. You are a busy girl with things to do.

Heading over to your favorites (I see how it is) and read about snagging a husband with tampons. Oh wait, I have one.

Suniverse said...

OOOOOHHHH!!! Congratulations and good luck!!

I can't wait to hear what happens!

Rebecca Dot Com said...

how exciting that you are writing a book- and that you are Shell's first feature! I love it - I am your newest follower from - would love it if you could follow back! :) Can't wait to read more of YOU!

JoAnna said...

that dog post is still the most entertaining post i have ever read in blogland. EVER. i'm going to go read it again right now, it's that damned good.

Mercy Langille said...

Visiting from Shell's and gonna follow.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Great guest post today! And good luck with your book! I would LOVE to write a novel someday. :)

Unknown said...

I enjoyed your guest post so much I had to come follow!

Jen said...

Was just over at Shell's and I agree with the "gushable" part. And I just loved your post about your husband! What a wonderful man, husband, and father! I cracked up about the Costco part :)
P.S. Good luck on your book!! How exciting!

My Inner Chick said...

---Can't wait to read !! :))))
Congrats !

Unknown said...

Looking forward to reading the book when it comesout!

... and this is the best blog post title ever!

KSK said...

I just read your post on Shell's blog .. and I loved it! So funny! :)
Off to check out more of your posts!

mypixieblog said...

Great job over at Shell's place! So glad I stopped by there today so I could find you... Yours is the kind of relationship I'm so desperately in search of (dating kind of sucks these days).

Also, best of luck with your manuscript!!!

Judie said...

I left a comment on "Things I Can't Say" but I thought I would leave one here as well, especially since tomorrow is your birthday.


Nancy C said...

I'm so proud of you for perusing your dream. That is all.

karen said...

Ah - and a birthday girl too? ME TOO!!! (on the 7th) Do you make your birthdays last for as long as possible (several days at least) just like I do? Good luck on your book, and please please don't lose it again. That would be ugly. Heading over now to the other blog.

Julie said...

I didn't read blogs all weekend and now how excited am I to discover you are at Shell's...

So I can kill all those birds with just one stone.

Kind of. Minus the killing. And the birds. And the stone.

But before I get there, let me say HOORAY for you and good luck with submissions, my friend.

Fingers permanently crossed for you...

Unknown said...

I cannot wait to hear the news of your publishing. Hey - maybe the publishers will book you for a tour of book signings in France!

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