I'm Sorry Mia, I Didn't Mean To Hurt You, But Tonight You're Goin' In The Closet
Monday, January 26, 2009

This is Lena. She belongs to my sister. When my sister was pregnant with Lena, she confided that she was worried, not about her child's genetic health or the necessary amount of limbs. She was worried that she would have an ugly child. Now, do not think my sister is superficial, she is far, far from it. Her worries had some validity, as crazy as that sounds. Her theory was based on the fact that the rest of our crowd, (there are 7 in our Catholic brood), had all produced children of great beauty. I couldn't argue with her there.

Her insightful words to me were, "Somebody's gotta have the ugly."

As you can see, her worry was for naught. Lena also has a sister named Mallory who is equally as beautiful, but since Mallory can only sit up, roll over and look beautiful, she doesn't have the ability to give me any good material....yet.

It is not only Lena's glossy ringlets, ivory skin, waif eyes and perfect cherry Cupid lips that make her so beautiful; it's Lena, the bigger than life personality that is the most winsome part of her.

Five minutes with Lena and you are willing to buy her Disney Princess dresses, spun-sugar cupcakes, a real phone with sparkly gems covering it, or anything else her heart desires. Lena told her mother that I am responsible for the Nick Jr. on Demand at her house where she can get her fix of Dora that crazy Spanish Explorer, 24/7. I told my sister to tell her its true because I am captivated under Lena's spell. I want to be high on Lena's list and at this age, that is mostly done through buying presents.

She is three, but I think Lena believes she is fourteen. It's an irresistible combination.

Lena likes to dance to music. She lets the music take her away as she impassionately glides and twirls, feeling the music deep down. It doesn't matter where she is when the music moves her, shopping malls, office lobbies, a church. When the musical spirit overtakes her, it's goin down.

She labels everyone that is important to her, "My Friend." For instance, I am not Aunt Joann. I am "My Friend Aunt Joann." Grandma is "My Friend Grandma."

She responds to most things with a breathy exclamation, holding her tiny hand to her scrumptious cheek. For example, when we sang "Happy Birthday" to her on her 3rd birthday, she gave us her little Shirley Temple cheek pose and exclaimed, "Oh! Thank you so much Guys!"  At three.

When she sees her Uncle Bill, it doesn't matter if he's only been gone to the Home Depot and back, an hour at the most, she somehow knows in that frilly, little girl soul what to do. She wraps her yummy, pudge arms around his neck and says, "Oh, Uncle Bill! Oh, Uncle Bill! I missed you so much!" She knows. She is three and she recognizes a man who spreads his heart bare to the ladies.

She had been calling my sister's very hot, could be mistaken for Jude Law, English friend Nick-Dick. When my sister tried to correct her, emphatically pronouncing the N, telling her over and over his name was N-N-Nick. Lena looked at my sister and said simply, "Well, I call him Dick."

And no one will ever question, because she is Lena, Shirley Temple scrumptious, Disney Princess beautiful.

My sister called the other day, deeply disturbed that she might be the mom of The Bully. Lena started preschool this year and has transitioned well. My sister is still trying for friends. She says the majority of the moms, rush in and out of school, busy with work, other kids, never really stopping to talk. They don't seem to be needing any new friends. My sister is still hopeful.

The other day, a mother stopped her and asked if they could set up a play date between their two daughters. Thrilled over this potential new friend prospect, my sister eagerly agreed. The mom went on to say the reason she wanted to get the girls together was because it seemed that during playtime at school, Lena had placed her little girl, Mia, in a closet. The mom said Mia is now traumatized, perhaps for life. Mia, by the way, is a wisp of a girl. Lena, on the other hand, is what you would call zaftig, all baby, buttery chunks that just add to her gorgeousness. The mom said she was hoping a play date would help Mia get over her post-traumatic syndrome.

My sister was horrified and she apologized profusely, but the woman said she wasn't too worried. It was her third child. The third one learns quickly they're the low man on the coddling totem pole. Parents are a little wiser and a lot more tired by the time the third one comes around. The third learns to Man Up from the minute they're born. Ask my third, she'll confirm this as she makes her own lunch.

When my sister brought it up to Lena, Lena couldn't give her a real answer on why she decided to stuff the tiny Mia into a closet. My sister and I both agree that Lena doesn't have an ounce of meanness in her body. She's definitely about the Love.

I think that it was probably Lena being the director in a House episode. Perhaps, she was the realtor and she was giving Mia a cozy little condo of her own. Pretty generous, in my eyes, in light of today's housing and economic slump.

Or maybe Mia was trying to declare herself in some way which Lena was not in agreement. Perhaps, Mia had announced she was prejudiced, a hater of all things Princess. Or maybe, she was against the Potty Training Movement, a cause Lena works diligently at. There are M&M's handed out when Lena is successful, a deserving reward for such a noble act. Perhaps Lena's closeting of Mia was a statement, a symbolic gesture to keep that tiny Mia's narrow-minded views in the closet where they belong.

We'll never know. But when my sister, explained to Lena that Mia was very sad and very scared from being shoved into a closet, Lena held her hand to her apple cheek and said, "Oh! I want her to come to my house and play."

My sister will make sure all closets are locked.

Today's Download: "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran. This is for Lena. My sister said she walked into preschool the other day and Lena was strumming a wooden block, singing, "I'm on the hunt, I'm after you." to her teachers. It's one of her favorite songs on Rock Band. She also does a mean rendition of Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies." But, her version of it, is "I'm a Single Lady." My sister's a little worried this one will be sung to the preschool teachers. I say Rock On, Lena, Rock On.


Sarah Ohio said...

Oh, I love Lena! I hope she sings "I'm a Single Lady" and then they ask her if she is a single lady and she tells them "NO! I'm a married lady!"

Anonymous said...

When I stayed with Beth in Chicago, Lena was big into telling jokes. This is how she would tell a joke to Mallory: "Joke Mallory!" And Mallory would laugh! Every time I see a picture of Mallory I think "Joke Mallory!"

Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!

Christian, iwspo.net

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