When I Rode In Cars With Boys
Monday, December 6, 2010

Dental surgery went fairly well, as well as dental surgery can go, I guess. 

I'm sore, but since I'm afraid of drugs, especially painkillers, I pop some Advil and gum down some more jello and get on with my days. 

My life is just one big party of scintillation. 

I was pretty groggy after I woke up and I realized a few days, post surgery, that I posted some comments here and there and on Facebook. I have no recollection of this. If I offended anyone or rambled on about unicorns or magic fairies or even worse, misspelled anything, please forgive me. Drugs and laptops are a lethal combination. 

But enough about teeth and drugs and health. I'm sick of health.

I'd like to get away from all the talk of everything health like I'm 80 and the state of my waning health is my only obsession. The next thing you know I'll be eating dinner at 2:00 and complaining about  my achy hips.  

I'd like to dig into some other areas today, namely parenting a teenage girl. 

My hubby and I are kind of laid back parents except when it comes to good grades and no crack and no arrest records, or at least, no lengthy ones and then there's the subject of dating. 

We're kind of old fashioned about that. I make them wait until they're 16. 

I know. I'm ridiculous. 

But here's the thing: 

I have come to the conclusion that teenage girls are insane. They really are. The minute those hormones slam into them with their lethal wallop, teenage girls or at least my daughters, turn into a shrieking, hysterical, unreasonable species only recognizable by their straightened hair and profuse collection of Forever 21 jewelry. 

The insanity seems to calm down just a tad by the time they're 16 and hopefully, when not in my care, they can make semi reasonable decisions. 

My middle girl is 16 now. She is beautiful. She bubbles with charm and she entrances everyone she meets with her sweet sparkly radiance and truly, I am amazed at the deep sense of self she already owns at this tender age. It goes without saying that people, especially boys, are drawn to her resplendence, not to mention the striking combination of her enormous sky blue eyes and auburn hair. 

She's been forced to turn down many a date in the last few years, I'm sure she lets the boys in on the fact that her parents are just total assholes who treat her like an Amish child.  

But now, the time has come. She is about to go on her first date. 

And in honor of her first date, I wrote my girl a letter. 

Dear Daughter, 

Here you go. The first of what I know will be many dates. I'm very excited for you and this big new part of your life. 

I know you won't believe any of what I'm telling you because you think I entered the world as a mom driving an SUV littered with smashed up goldfish crackers and half empty bottles of Gatorade.

But the thing is, I too, once cared more about my hair than the state of the world. 

I once thought I knew all the secrets of the universe and I was certain my parents had no idea about life. 

I once could eat Doritos, ice cream, thick crusted pizza, french fries, and chocolate fudge cake all in one sitting and not gain a pound. It's probably the thing I miss the most about those years. 

I once knew that, there was only one dark haired boy for me and that my heart would crumble into bits of ash if he ever stopped loving me. That boy was replaced with another from romance to romance, but I was always certain that it was THAT boy in THAT space of time and our love was eternal. 

I once did stupid things, much dumber than you have ever attempted in your sixteen-year-old life. I will not go into all the sordid details, I will only say there is not much ground I didn't cover in those days and so I actually do know of the things I speak. 

I have not always been the funsucker you know making up these awful rules and shaking my finger and taking away your phone when needed. 

Because you see, I have lived a life, a wild, heady sort of life. 

And it is because of all those days before this one, that I fence you in with all of my terrible restrictions like not allowing other teenagers in the car when you're driving until time proves you to be a responsible, safe driver or no attending certain kinds of parties even though all your friends get to gooooo. 

I know a few things. 

I also know a few things about this boy already. And I think you're off to a good start. 

I know he's taking you to a ball on your first date. 

I'm so glad the very first date of your life will be you, the Belle at the Ball. How lovely. 

It should be a rule. All girls get to attend a Ball on their first date. 

You love parties and people and elegant clothes. And you, my lovely, lovely girl will be Cinderella in your shimmery Christmas red dress you picked out just for the occasion. 

And I love the fact he wanted to know the color of your dress, so that he can wear a tie to match. 

Thoughtfulness. I'll give him his first gold star. 

Your best friend told me what he did the other night. She told me all about the after school field trip—a Madrigal Dinner, where for extra credit, this boy signed up to be one of the wait staff. She told me how after putting your plate down in front of you, he leaned over and kissed your hand. 

This is good. Very good. 

He displayed the signs of being a good and proper gentleman. A man who kisses hands, appreciates a woman in a genteel way. And a man who serves a woman food? That's even better. And a man who will cook for you? That, my girl, is the ultimate. Although, you know nothing else since your dad has always done most of the cooking for us. 

I know he is, like you, a straight A student. 

Always seek out those who aspire. Who are motivated by passion and desire to make their life their own. Who want to work hard and who understand that nothing is given for free, that life's rewards come to those who strive and strive hard for them. 

I know you like him a lot and that you're both interested in becoming a couple. 

I say take your time. 

And I know you don't want to hear that. 

But you've got the rest of your life for serious. 

And I know you're definitely not going to want to hear this. But he will not be the one. 

He might become your everything as time progresses, but there will be other boys who will take his place in your heart. 

And you most likely think I'm a loser who knows nothing of love because I drive an SUV with smashed up goldfish crackers and, from what you've seen, I've only dated your dad which you find totally gross. 

But I know about love, my darling girl. 

I know that before your dad, my heart was broken so many times, I'm surprised I didn't require a heart transplant. 

I may have broken a few hearts myself, along the way. 

See, my mom told me I came out of the playpen, boy-crazy. 

I still am, if truth be told. 

I love men. Your father above all others. Well, there's also Bono and Mark Ruffalo, but since I've never met either of them, my love for them, sadly doesn't count for much, except in stalker court. 

But from the playpen or somewhere in my early teens, to the time I met your dad, I dated a lot of boys. A Lot. Of Boys. 

I even at one point, dated two brothers. At the same time. And one of them didn't know I was dating his brother. This is not something I would advise. Because, trust me when I say this sort of brotherly situation has no choice but to end in an ugly, explosive scene. And you don't want to be a part of that kind of ugly. One of my key pieces of advice would be to stay away from brothers.  

I learned so much from all those boys. Things I wished I'd known from the start. 

And I'd like to share with you some of those lessons with tales of just a few of the boys of my dating past. 

Be yourself. You are such a starry eyed, hilarious girl. You love to sing at the top of your lungs. You have my quirky sense of humor. You're ambitious and you're never afraid to step right into the midst of life. Don't change any of that for a boy. 

I once dated a boy who chewed tobacco. 

I would hold his spit cup for him. 

You can't even begin to know how I much I wish I was kidding about this. But no, there I was all cuddled up against him in his truck as he would spit his nasty tobacco juice into the cup that I HELD FOR HIM.  He also loved the group Alabama and so, of course, I did, too. Even to the point where I was smuggled like an illegal Mexican at the border, into an Alabama concert because he didn't want to pay for both of us. I was lifted over a fence by a couple of his buddies and him. Three sets of hands on my ass should have been my wake up call that this was not going to work out. 

And for the record, I hate Alabama and most definitely, spit cups. 

Any boy who holds you back from being who you are, isn't worth the dust you leave in his wake. 
Possessiveness is NEVER love. Don't let a boy control your life. Ever. Ever. Ever. Go out with your friends. Keep up with your dreams. Pursue your passions. And if anyone tries to get in the way of that, it's time to say goodbye. 

I once had a boy try to convince me I should give up my tight fitting jeans and heels for matching parachute pants and high tops. 

Yes. I will admit I dated a guy who wore parachute pants. 

I didn't budge on the morphing into one entity through the use of parachute pants. He also told me I needed to cut back on my work hours, hours I needed to pay my way through life, so I could spend more time with him, most likely so we could go shopping for more parachute pants. 

I also had a boy who was over the top possessive. I found out that he paid a friend to spy on me when he couldn't be around to watch my every move. That was the one time in my life, I threw a drink in someone's face and let me tell you, it is as satisfying as it looks on TV. 

I have a feeling some unfortunate girl out there has a permanent restraining order against him. 

Know that trust and respect are everything in a relationship. 

I once had a boy, a boy I loved with all my young heart, who told me he was going out to the movies with his buddies. I was going out with my girlfriends on that very same night. As I sat at the table, sharing a pizza with my girls and drinking sangria I gushed about this boy, this boy who knew he held my heart in his hands. 

I was so busy gushing, it took me awhile to realize that boy was sitting a few tables away with a beautiful blonde. He didn't see me. That is, until my friends made sure to cross his path one by one on the way to the bathroom. They all stopped with a fierce hello and a point in my direction, "Hey, I'm here with your GIRLFRIEND, THE ONE RIGHT OVER THERE."

My friends took me out for hot fudge sundaes after that disaster. All the ice cream in the world couldn't help me over that heartbreak. 

And even worse, on the flipside, I once backed out of a Homecoming dance the night before the dance. I went to a different high school than this boy. I knew him from my brothers' wrestling tournaments. We'd flirted it up at some wrestling matches the year before and then out of the blue, he called and asked me to his Homecoming dance. I remembered that steely muscled wrestler and I immediately said yes. I bought a baby blue dress, probably to match my eye shadow. 

He met me the night before at the football game. It had been almost a year since we'd seen each other. 

I didn't recognize him when he called out to me. His muscles were gone, replaced by flab. He'd quit the wrestling team and since cutting weight was no longer an issue, he'd packed on the pounds. 

I have never told this story out loud until now. To my great and utter shame, I blurted out, "I can't go to the dance with you tomorrow night. My parents put me on restriction."

His face fell. He told me he'd already rented the tux. He had a corsage. 

I was such an asshole. 

I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for being that vacuous girl who didn't care enough about his feelings to look beyond a few extra pounds. 

Respect works both ways. 

Know that your parents' instincts are always spot on. 

Okay, here's one of my worst stories. I had a boy, one time, who might have been just a little older than what I told my parents. I was still in high school. He was older. By a few years. Or a few years squared. It doesn't matter. What matters was, he was too old for a 17-year-old girl and he was a loser in every single way. 

I didn't see that. I saw his thick, wavy hair and his big biceps and his Italian good looks. My parents saw his sliminess, his earring, the shiftiness in his eyes, the way he tried to schmooze them. 

My parents were easygoing. They really never interfered too much in my dating life. They told me they didn't like this guy and they wished I wouldn't see him anymore. 

I scoffed at them, knowing they had no idea what they were talking about. 

I didn't see the fact that he never took me anywhere except to the martial arts movies he wanted to see. Our other "dates" consisted of us sitting around his apartment with his friends while they all partied and I just sat there admiring my Italian Stallion until my teenage curfew was up and he had to take me home.

And then there was the night he took me out with the promise of dinner in an actual restaurant. Before dinner, he pulled up to a seedy bar in an even seedier part of town and mumbled, "I'll be right back." And as I sat there in his car and the minutes ticked into an hour, scared to death, as shady men stumbled in and out of the bar, leering at me through the darkness, I had this defining moment of clarity and I was all, "What the hell am I doing?" You must remember this was the dark ages of dinosaurs and no cell phones. So I was alone, stranded in his car in a dark, sketchy parking lot. 

When the hour turned into an hour and a half and he ambled out of the bar and climbed in the car and had the nerve to try and kiss me, reeking of cheap whiskey and cigarette smoke, I hissed, "Take me home right now."

And when he tried to protest and actually tried to force me, FORCE ME into kissing him, I used my lethal weapon. I mentioned the magic words, my three brothers, my three quite big, wrestling champion brothers who made it known in simple, basic terms to every single boy who picked me up throughout my high school years, what would happen to them if they messed with me. My brothers also had an entire national champion wrestling team behind them.

And in that moment, as I tried to push this brawny scumbag off of me, I just might have mentioned something about my brothers killing him. 

For the record, my brothers would have never killed him. There would have most likely been some limb damage and a great deal of pain and probably stitches, but my brothers to their credit, are not murderers. 

And that scumbag might have been a loser, but he wasn't stupid. He drove me home in stony silence. 

That boy, actually man, had the audacity to call me the next day. 

When I told him simply that it would be in his best interest to never call me again, he said, "Whatever floats your boat." And hung up on me. 

I'm sure that Italian Stallion made some woman very happy, indeed. I only hope she likes martial arts movies . . .  and assbags. 

And the most important thing and I know you don't want to hear this because you roll your eyes at me and look like you're going to vomit when I speak of this and I do speak of this all the time, because it is necessary that you understand this one true thing about boys—boys want sex. 

It is their main goal in life, to have sex, no matter their age. 

And I'm not disparaging boys in any way. They can't help this. It's in their genetic makeup. They are molded from testosterone. And that testosterone drives them to procreate and fill the earth with offspring. 

It also causes them to constantly change the channel, never settling on any one thing, just as it also makes them only pretend to listen when you talk about feelings and of course it causes them to never, ever ask for directions, no matter how lost you might be. 

But thanks to testosterone, boys will say and do just about anything to get sex. 

Your job is to tell them No. No. No. And your No is a sacred one. All boys MUST honor your No. There are absolutely no exceptions to the rule. 

Keep saying the word No, for a very long time. 

If there is one thing I wish you would trust me on, it would be this. You will never regret saving sex for that good, special man. And I do mean man. Just like I mean, when you're a woman. 

Wait. Wait until all the drama of high school is over. Wait until you know who you are. You can never know what you want from a man until you know what you want for yourself, first. Don't give yourself away because of pressure or to be cool or to think it will make that boy love you more. It won't. 

You can never take that back. So honor yourself and keep that act, a sweet, sacred holy thing because you are the finest treasure and that treasure needs to be saved for only the most worthy. 

Good guys wait. They do. And you should wait until you are in a deep, committed relationship with someone you trust with your whole heart, of course, after you've done all your growing up.

Don't complicate these beautiful, carefree years with adult situations. Wait until you have lived a little. 

You'll know when it's right and it is never right in the backseat of a car or behind the locked door of a boy's stinky-sweatsocks smelling bedroom when his parents aren't home. 

If you're in a situation where you have to worry about being caught, that's your flashing light warning that it definitely is not the right time or place.

Love waits and so should you. 

Remember the word No and use it well. 

And one more thing. Be prepared for the fact that this boy and all the boys to come will be given a tour of your father's impressive collection of firearms. 

You might not have three big brothers, but you have a father who is an expert marksman. 

Know that these boys will be shown the big, fancy guns your father owns, those guns that everyone at the gun range oohs and ahhhs over. Know that these boys will understand before they leave the house with you, that your father is incredibly skilled and can hit any target dead center no matter how fast that target thinks it can move. 

And I'm okay with your dad letting them know that. Because the thing is, he's got a man's supply of testosterone and he is not afraid to show it, especially when it comes to his daughters. 

And one more thing: Go to that Ball and dance your heart out. 

I never understand it when people tell me, they don't dance. Dance is a pure expression of joy. I dance. I'm not very good at it. I'm rather an Elaine from Seinfeld with my jerky, graceless moves. But I dance. As does your dad. Who is also not very good at it. In fact, oftentimes I have to close my eyes when I'm dancing with him, just to keep the beat. Because he doesn't. Keep the beat, that is. But neither of us care. We spin and whirl and snap our fingers and flail around like it's 1999 and we have the time of our lives. Dancing.

Find a guy who will whirl you around the floor. Because, life's too short not to dance. 

Have fun, sweet girl of mine. It's time to step through a new doorway. Now go put on your Cinderella dress and light up the world. 

I love you forever and ever, 

Your Mom Who Knows

Today's Definite Download: Taylor Swift's "Love Story" 

For my girl, who loves Taylor Swift. For this beginning, for all the beginnings. May all your love stories be sweet and lovely. And always remember your first love story began the minute they put you into my arms. I love you with all my heart, Darling, Darling Girl. 

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess. 
It's a love story. Baby just say yes. 


Rita Templeton said...

What a wonderful letter! And to go to a ball on her first date ... your girl is a LUCKY girl. I'm sure she'll look and feel beautiful in her new red dress. Even her date sounds perfect, as teenage boys go. :)

Ms. Diva said...

I agree, what a wonderful letter!!! I hope she has fun at the ball!

Hulk (Who is already dreading this time because my 9-year-old already has a butt-shake going...) said...

Hey-will you send this to MY daughter when she turns 16? Much obliged.

TesoriTrovati said...

Especially the gun-toting dad.
You could sell this as a fill in the blanks sort of letter for those of us who care deeply about our daughters (but don't share your incredibly sordid tales of the legions of man-boys that you let down ;-)
And he might not be the one, this first, but then again he could be. After all, I am married to the man who grew up with me, lived two blocks away and who swept me off my feet - quite literally - my senior year in high school 25 years ago. It can happen (but it rarely does, so listen to your mother. She knows a lot.)

Enjoy the day, Miss Joann!
Have a fabulous time at the ball, dancing daughter!

Erin ;-)

LisaPie said...

You are so wonderful! That girl of yours is starting out with so much more love and support than most. Someday she will know and appreciate the gift you have given her. Heart you!

Baby Sister said...

This was wonderful Joann. I love reading the letters you write your daughters. Isn't it amazing how we think our parents don't know anything, just to grow up and realize they know pretty much everything?
Your daughter is one lucky girl!!

alyson: common sense, dancing said...

This is so great. So, so great. I may have to cut-and-paste, as Erin suggests, since my history is not that colorful....

(and there may or not be photoshopping of Husband's head on Your Marksman).

Doesn't time go too fast? Am just wrapping size 9 Uggs for my girl, wondering how the hell she got so big....

twelvedaysold said...

There are so many things I could say to this post, but I think it can all be summed up with Great Job.

Ami said...

Beautiful. I'm going to save it so my daughter can read it when she finally decides to date.

And I have to tell you. My cousin's hubby had three beautiful daughters. And on the occasion when a boy came to the house for the first time to pick one of them up, he handed the young man a bullet with his name on it. And said, "I have more of these with your name on them. Take good care of my daughter."

The girls were always well cared for.


Dee said...

I am crying. I wish I'd had a mom like you.

Unknown said...

Oh my, what a precious gift that letter is to your daughter. I hope she cherishes it!

The Furry Godmother said...

Tell her to have a ball at the ball!

My father, also an expert marksman with many, many awards, would choose to clean his guns in the living room every time I had a date.

His guns were very shiny. I'm surprised the bluing was intact.

Mom vs. the boys said...

oooh that was so great, if daughters would listen they would learn a lot. part of me is glad to have all boys so I won't worry quite as much when they date, but another part of me finds it hard that I can't relate to everything they do and feel because I was never a boy! it's so nice to be able to pass on your experiences to your girls

Shell said...

Damn you, I'm crying. Even with your humor, this touched me. I wish that I had had advice like this when I first started dating.

I hope your daughter has a wonderful time.

Cheryl said...

Sigh. Must you get me all teary? And how did I know I'd eventually be seeing a picture of your hubs with a shotgun?

I never dated in high school. But I know my daughter will be attracting the boys like flies. I'm already nervous. David is already polishing his gun. We also should get our two sons into weight-training. Even tho they are almost 7 and 21 months.

Ron Smith said...

Hey, what's wrong with driving a truck, chewing tobacco and liking country music. Here's the lyrics to a country song.

"Come on in boy sit on down
And tell me about yourself
So you like my daughter do you now?
Yeah we think she's something else
She's her daddy's girl
Her momma's world
She deserves respect
That’s what she'll get
Ain’t it son?
Hey y'all run along and have some fun
I'll see you when you get back
Bet I’ll be up all night
Still cleanin' this gun"

As always, love the post.

randine said...

What a lovely letter. And bonus- it didn't even make me cry this time.

You daughter is lucky to have such a great mom. And, it sounds like you're lucky to have her as well!

I laughed when I read about having half empty Gatorade bottles in your vehicles and cracker crumbs- it feels good to know that I'm not the only one...

And I think I'm going to be in trouble with my daughter. She's six and boy crazy already. She told me once, when she was in Kindergarten, that she was taking a break from dating to focus on her school work. I couldn't help but laugh.

JoAnna said...

Wow, what a past you've had. A great read. You really say things well!

Deidra said...

I agree with many of the things you said in that letter. Not every single thing, but many of them. You do have an interesting past, indeed! But it looks as if you have learned from it, and have, thankfully, not ended up with a douchebag.

So in the end, you won! :D

Nancy C said...

This is amazing. Funny, touching, wise, honest. The whole package.

She will understand it perfectly some day.

God, what will I say to my sons? Besides..."Thank you for being boys?"

Seriously? I don't want them to be sex-seeking testosterone missiles.

Judie said...

If you're not going to take those painkillers, can I have them?

Alexandra said...

Believe me, she will treasure this letter forever.

Ashleigh Burroughs said...

I'm smiling, imagining you watching her gliding out on his arm. I just know he's holding the door for her.

On some level, you know she's hearing you.... even if it doesn't seem like it through the rolling eyes and slumping shoulders. After all, you're her mom and you love her.

Great advice about getting out of there if you are worried about getting caught.... sometimes kids just need a clue. How lucky she is to have you as a mom.

Cheeseboy said...

Wow, I have never heard of spit cups mentioned so often in a letter to a daughter.

She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. I hope her first date is a good one and that bozo treats her with the respect she deserves.

Jen said...

I always get goosebumps when I read your posts.

The most truthful thing you said, and there were so many truths in this post, was:

But he will not be the one.

I would take up just as many words as you did to comment on that one line, so I won't, because you know, as does everyone else why he won't be the one.

But, he will remain in her heart forever.

randine said...

Sorry for commenting twice- but I forgot about the whole dentist thing.
I. Hate. The Dentist.
I mean, could they possibly make you any more vulnerable?? You're laying on your back, with your mouth wide open, a ridiculous little paper bib chained to you.
And then they come at you with the drill.
Honestly, I think sometimes I would rather go toothless if not for the pureed food being so hideous.

Was it the cadaver implants again?

Yuliya said...

Absolutely beautiful.

But, if you like this boy she's about to date, you have committed a grave error indeed...you told her you like him.

Parental approval= biggest turn off ever!

Deborah said...

Such a gorgeous letter.

You parent so much like I did! You and I even said the same things a time or two. Amazing.

I remember having the talk with my youngest and saying that bit about how boys love sex and it's different for them. That we fall in love and they fall in lust.

She had sex at 16 and flounced into my room exclaiming, "It's not how you said Mom, we LOVE each other."

Asaaaah! It turned out fine.

You have courage!

Art Chick said...

I agree with so much of this post I cannot even begin to tell you. It was so well-written--and it makes me wish I'd written it and given it to my daughter back when she was 16 and about to go on that big first date. It was so honest and so true, Joann. I loved it. But that being said I just have to say there are exceptions to everything too. When I was 16 I met a 20 year old guy that I loved from the bottom of my heart. And my mother and father said many of these things to me too. Yet John and I just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. :) Clearly, this is the exception rather than the rule...but it does happen. I hope your daughter has a wonderful time at her ball. And I also hope she listens to her very wise and loving mother.

bbp said...

That was so right on. It was practically my story exactly, with a few minor changes. But my question is, do you know anyone that grew up following that kind of advice? If you had done every single thing you suggest, who do you think you would be today? Hindsight is 20/20, but personal experience is a goldmine.
And the key word there is personal.
It's a great letter. I think your
experiences have made you a very interesting person.

Rainyday said...

Such a great letter!

But it makes me kinda glad I don't have girls. And also makes me need to spend more time teaching my boys to be gentlemen.

ProudSister said...

I loved this. I want to save it for my girls!

purplume said...

You really put it all out there. You didn't pull any punches.
Just last night I was thinking that it is loving to talk to one's children and tell them things like this.
Very loving, and moving. Bless you all.

Noelle said...

Now that I'm all emotional on my end of the internet...this was one of my favorite of your posts. I loved every word of this letter and I hope that someday I'll be half the mom that you are.

Love you lady!

Lisa said...

OK, it took me a while to get over here and read this (Thanks, migraine.), but oh - it was worth the wait! I had tears in my eyes as I read this. Beautiful. I may have to print this out for my daughter to read when she goes on her first date - which will not be for at least two more years when she is 16. Because, we are also horribly old-fashioned parents who will not let either the boy OR the girl date until that magical age.

This was one of your best posts ever.

Liz said...

I love how you are so sweet and sincere, yet funny in just the right spots.

All of this does not make me look forward to the teen years. The hormones, the drama, the boys.

He does sound like a good choice, though. I hope she has a blast at the ball!

Unknown said...

I want to plagarize this for my own daughter when she's 16. I can match the stories too! I once dated a guy who's nickname was "weed" and he liked to talk about being a member of the Aryan race.

Lee said...

My face is salty with tears. Will you be my mom?
I may not have written those word to my oldest child, who is a girl, and has her very first boyfriend at the tender age of 17, but I have spoken similar words. From the time she could speak and listen. Your daughter, my daughter, and all daughters out there who have loving moms who care enough to speak truth into their lives, will be ok.
And for the record. We are much stricter. Much. But she's ok with it and often uses us as her excuse to get out of things she doesn't want to do.
My husband is a hunter. Nuff said!

Natalie said...

Teary...hard to write through the tears (but teary in a good way!)

This post made me feel so much - the letter is beautiful and touching.

Although I'm scared of those teen years, especially because I know all the stuff I used to do (and get away with)

Pat said...

This is a great letter! Full of truth, humor and love. What more could a daughter ask for?

Anonymous said...

Bratchild is 9. You are scaring me. Fortunately, my husband collects guns. My father didn't so he would stand in the yard with chainsaws and axes.

Ash said...

Oh sweet middle daughter, do yourself a huge favor and listen to your Mama.

I always wished I had.

Enjoy it all!!

Anonymous said...

Oh man. So exciting and so heartbreaking all at the same time.

I want dad to paint a portrait of Tyler holding a gun and we plan to put it in the rec room for future boyfriends.

Gigi said...

You're at your best when you're writing about and to your kids, Joann!

I am sad for you that you held a spit cup.

I hope she had a fabulous time at the ball. :)

Grace said...

I just want to know if you kept your piehole shut during the dental surgery.

Reading your letter made me so very, very glad that my girls are in college and I somehow survived their teenage years.

Cupcake Murphy said...

Parachute pants are the scariest thing on earth. What those things do to thighs. Love your letter to your girl. Everyone should have a mom like you.

Nicki said...

A beautiful letter!!! Be sure to print it and put it in her baby book just incase she is anything like my daughter and doesn't read it now. I know she will appreciated it some day if she doesn't already!!!!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I know she will love the letter because your stories not only funny, but from the heart! Isn't is amazing what we thought was cute and hunky back then? I could just gag when I think about several loser in particular.

Shabbygal said...

Okay it's official I'm in love with you! That is so sweet you wrote that to your daughter she will look back with great love someday on that letter. I really loved reading that! We have all been there! Traci

jayayceeblog said...

That was completely perfectly said. I wish I had had 3 big brothers growing up. I was the oldest of 3 girls and paved the way for the youngers. When our oldest daughter went on her first date, my Hubby never even talked to the kid, just sat there with his arms crossed and glared at him. And I always asked the date to write down his parents names and phone number for me so I would know who to send the police to when she wasn't home on time. It always worked. And, by the way, I love the word assbag!

Dawn in D.C. said...

This moved me in more ways than you can imagine. My daughter is all grown up now, and I only wish I had this letter for her when she was 16. Maybe it would have saved her some heartache.

Another rule that I shared with her was never to date her best friend's brother. That never ends well.

You are a good mom.

Unknown said...


I got your blog from MBC. Look forward to reading your blog! I liked it! Also NEW follower. I hope you'll check mine out and maybe follow!


Very nice letter!

Sandra said...

Oh God, I can sense my turn coming, and I'm not looking forward to it.
Terrific post as always Joann! Full of devotion and love!

Jerry said...

This is a wonderful essay, and I say this as a father with a grown up daughter. I am recommending this post to my daughter...to hold on to as her daughter comes of age. Thank you.

Rebecca Grace said...

Man, don't you just want to go to the ball, too, though? :-) I hope your daughter has a wonderful time. I also hope that poor boy doesn't wet himself when your husband whips out the assault rifles.

Bossy Betty said...

What a sweet, sweet mom you are! Wish you had been my mommy!

How have I been missing your posts? Bad Betty!

Unknown said...

Two things - I agree drugs and computers aren't a good match (but it id make me giggle to read about) and secondly, the letter was gorgeous. "Remember your first love story began the moment they put you in my arms" - beautiful.

pop over and visit bigwords if you ever get a chance x

Anonymous said...

This is an amazing letter!

So sweet and honest and pure.

Love it.

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