For Daffy
Saturday, May 22, 2010

Bloggers all have various reasons for taking up blogging. 

For me, it was an avenue to write and a beginning point on my venture into publication. 

But, for whatever reason bloggers choose to step into the giant kingdom of Blogdom, there is this one unexpected, priceless gift that comes to all of us.

It is the friendship. 

Across the vast miles of the Internet, we have connected with one another, creating bonds of friendship bound by the written word, by our commonalities, by our belief in one another, holding each other up, cheering each other on, supporting each other and being there for one other. 

For those who do not blog, it is hard to explain. 

When I talk about my blog friends, my family often looks at each other knowingly. As if I am talking about my imaginary friends. 

But, my blog friends are far from imaginary. They are some of my biggest supporters. And I am theirs. We give each other advice and more importantly, take advice. We email each other, carrying on our conversations, far past a simple comment on a blog. We gossip. We talk about our families and we know each other's children's names. And quite often, we actually step away from our screens and meet each other in the flesh. 

We bloggers have joined hands across the vast skies of the Internet and created a second family, a family built from words typed out on a computer screen and carried across the miles into each other's lives. 

We are here for each other. 

One of our own, one of our funniest and sweetest bloggers had an unfathomable tragedy this week. 
Daffy, of Batcrap Crazy, lost her 35-year-old beloved sister. Her sister known as BigSis on her 
blog went to the emergency room not feeling well last week. In the span of a few short days, this 
young woman and mother to a 5-year-old was diagnosed with brain tumors, had a massive stroke 
along with major clotting all over her body, underwent brain surgery, came out of it with no 
neurological function and died yesterday. 

Our hearts go out to Daffy and her family. 

Yesterday, she posted these words, "The final blessing brought torrential tears inside the ICU 
however, out the window three days of nonstop rain instantly dried up and the sun shone so 
very brightly . . . "

And as soon as I read that, I knew. 

BigSis was sending a message of love and peace to her family, to tell them that she made it home 
and she is watching over them all, until they meet again. She was telling them to not let their hearts 
be heavy for too long, but to laugh again, to step into the sunshine and live life vibrantly with joy and passion and love, savoring every single moment, living it indeed, as if they were living life for two.

Daffy, I don't know what you believe. But, I will tell you this: 

I have stood in your shoes. 

I lost my father on a brilliant, blue-skied April afternoon, on an innocent day when no one saw it coming. 

He was only 66, able-bodied and healthy, patching a spot on his roof, doing some weekday 
chores, when my mother found him there. 

I was devastated at the sudden loss of my beloved father. 

In the days that followed, one of my sisters, I can't remember which one, it was such a time of 
blurred grief, related to us a story. 

I'm giving my story to you. 

In her bottomless grief, she was crying to a friend, a plain-spoken, faith-filled friend. My sister 
was saying, "I don't understand. Why? Why? Why would God take my dad? He was such a 
good person, such a good man."

And her friend looked at her in disbelief and said, "Why? Why do you think? God don't want no 
losers up there with him, honey."

God takes the good ones first. 

Your sister is watching over you, filling you with the light of her love. 

In the days that followed my dad's passing and now, unexpectedly in the quiet moments of the day, I can feel the warmth of my dad's fierce love wash over me. 

BigSis is with you and she will always be there walking alongside of you, watching her son grow and flourish. 

May you know in this time of sadness, that your blogger family is wrapping our collective arms around you for one giant, Internet, bloggy group hug. Our hearts, prayers and love are with you, Daffy. 

Take care. 

For those of you who'd like to help, there is a scholarship fund for BigSis's young son. The little ducky on my sidebar will take you right to Daffy's site where you can find all the information you need. 

Godspeed Wendy. We'll take care of your little sister. 

Today's Definite Download: Annie Lennox's "Into The West."

For Wendy.

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey's end.

Sleep now and dream
Of the ones who came before.
They are calling, 
from across a distant shore...

Don't say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again. 
And you'll be here in my arms, 
Just sleeping. 

What can you see,
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea, 
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come
To carry you home. 

And all will turn, 
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass. 
Grey ships pass 
Into the West. 


Unknown said...

I started bawling at the part when you wrote that we'd be taking care of her little sister....

wonderful post, Joann. written so well. thank you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Daffy,

I am saying a prayer for you and your family from where i am. May the good Lord bless and keep you all safe, warm and loved, in His care.

With all of my heart.

Lisa said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Sending love and prayers to Daffy (and to you too!)

Dee said...

Tears. I never have the right words to say when someone looses a loved one. You did a good job.

ProudSister said...

This morning my extended family and I walked in the American Brain Tumor Association Path to Progress Run/Walk. Sadly, this year I knew a new team for a friend that lost her battle with a brain tumor. Mera passed away in January after 35 short years. Our cousin Joann lost her battle last August at the age of 44 leaving behind a loving husband and two young daughters. I realized today that this is the third year we did the walk for Joann and the first that she was no longer here to know about it.

But that means three years that she suffered in excruciating pain, slowing losing function of her capabilities both mental and physical. All the while, watched by her children and loving family. Not to at all say that Daffy's loss of her sister was a blessing, but if I had to choose between the road my two friends had and hers, I choose hers. Just like our Dad, I couldn't have picked a better way for him to leave us. Its so hard for those left behind to lose someone so suddenly, but I think its better in the long run.

One team today had t-shirts referring to their family member that said, "I run because he fights". We all have to keep doing, running, going to kick this disease's butt. I don't want to know any new teams joining us in the upcoming years.

After our Dad passed away, my friend said as she often did, "Tomorrow isn't promised to any of us". Days like today remind me of that.

I hope Daffy's family can feel all of the love her sister will be shining down upon them. They really never leave us, I know that for sure.

pieters said...

and that is what makes blogger friends real friends. because real life happens to each and everyone of us...and as irl we care. cry with those who cry says our Lord. lauren

Natalie said...

That's a beautiful post.

It is wonderful that we find friends through our words, in in many cases, are closer to our bloggy friends than to some of your real friends.

Daffy...if you read this, my heart goes out to you and I send my prayers to you and your family.

One Photo said...

I do not know Daffy, I have only learned of this family tragedy of hers through reading posts such as yours this week. Joann this is a beautiful post that I am sure will bring comfort to your blogging friend. You are so right, the unexpected gift of blogging is making so many wonderful blogging friends and Daffy must be uplifted by all the good thoughts and wishes from her friends in the blogosphere this week.

Gucci Mama said...

How very, very sad. Such a lovely tribute you wrote.

alicia said...

What a beautiful post, spoken so eloquently. I agree with what you said about blog friends too. You said what I was unable to put into words. Thank you. And to Daffy, my heart goes out to you in your time of loss. Joanne is so right. Big Sis is up there watching over you. Take comfort in that knowledge. And know that many are thinking about you at this time.

alicia @ a beautiful mess

Anonymous said...

Hi Joann. You did such a great job. I have only recently started reading Ducky's blog and feel so badly for her and her family.

duffylou said...

Joann this was a lovely post. I am so moved by your words and of course you picked the perfect song. Brought tears to my eyes for a stranger. A stranger who is made to feel like a friend through your eloquent prose.

I am truly sorry for the tragedy that has struck Daffy's family. For whatever it is worth, I will keep them in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...


MrsBlogAlot said...

Joann, you always move me but today....well, you got me girl.

This was a magnificent post and a true testament to our wonderful blog world that I am so very proud to be a part of.

Cheeseboy said...

How very tragic but inspiring at the same time.

Thanks for sharing.

Katie's Dailies said...

I read Ducky's blog yesterday for the first time, and got choked up with that opening line. She said it so eloquently... but so have you with this post. It seems there has been so much grief lately in our "little blog world" but the support for those who need it has been overwhelming. Thank you for supporting all those that need it and to remind us all to keep it up.

Anonymous said...


You are a good friend. I always scratch my head when people put less meaning on the relationships we build in the blogging community. The people behind the blogs are just that: people. Real live, living real lives, people.

You're one of the best. So caring and positive.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friends sister, I can't even imagine losing my brother. Please give her lots of love from me.


Shell said...

So beautifully written- I'm sobbing over my keyboard.

Cupcake Murphy said...

Honestly I don't know how we endure loss like we do. It feels dream like on some level. But I have known such loss in my life and so many people dear to me have endured loss and I do know that I would not trade my membership in the loss club somehow. I don't exactly know why but I wouldn't. I am so so sad for Daffy tonight and I will keep her in my heart, close after reading this here. Thanks for being so huge hearted Meg. You make things nicer.

Noelle said...

Thanks Joann...this was beautiful. And it said so eloquently what so many of us feel.

Anonymous said...

"God don't want no losers up there with Him"...Joann, you can't know how memorable those words are/will be to me. I get stuck on the "why" and can't seem to get over it. What a helpful answer that is, in all it's simplicity. By the way, I am sorry about the loss of your father. I know how deeply you must feel it. I know, too, how proud he must be of you. (I am convinced of an afterlife)You really excelled at showing your beauty and your heart in this post. Thank you.

Lula Lola said...

They are in my prayers. Thanks for putting it out there so more people can send positive thoughts, support and prayers her way. Loss is so hard!

cheri said...

oh my, this is very sad news. i just visited daffy a couple of days ago to offer words of encouragement...

you wrote our feelings and thoughts beautifully, joann...

Rae said...

I came to your blog this morning, prepared to laugh. But instead I cried. Painful tears that obscured my sight. Tears that hurt way down inside my chest. I cried for Daffy and her family. I cried for you and your dad. And then I cried for all those loved ones that I've seen pass through this world.
You are right. Life is short. We need to enjoy every moment of this trip.
Thank you for your blog friendship. It makes this trip so much sweeter- knowing people like you.

Cristinalaloca said...

This blog was beautiful. I too know the pain of losing a loved one! God Rest their soul.

injaynesworld said...

I've just read three of your posts and I have one thing to say. Edit your profile and remove the word "hopeful" that you have erroneously placed in front of "writer." Good writing and publication are not synonymous. Just look at all the crap out there that gets published. You are a writer with or without publication and a damn good one. I'll be back.


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