Thursday, January 6, 2011
Love Happens is not worth your time, especially since it just got me more worked up about my eye because it was that stupid and annoying. It should have been called, Stupid and Annoying Happens When Snoozehound Jennifer Aniston Is Involved In A Movie.
And the one other thing I will say about this movie, is there's this scene where the two moms dropped their girl off at college for the first time. And as the mommies were saying goodbye to their girl, they were so full of grief. They both swooped up their daughter and just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
And in that moment, I thought, "Wow. It's a pretty good thing I'm not a lesbian." Not that I don't love lesbians. I have some very dear lesbian friends, but if my life partner was another girl, I'd still be crying over my Olivia leaving for college. And that was two years ago. Seriously.
Thank God for my Hubby who patted me on the back, kind of mystified by my grief, but his manly stoicism helped me pull myself together after about a week of tears. If he'd been a woman? Forget it. We'd still be crying together.
So, go see, The Kids Are All Right immediately, or at least wait until you finish reading this and then go.
Okay, so last week, the fair and beloved Empress of the Blogworld said she was waiting for me to review this next movie and I was all, "Don't you worry, Empress. I am about to rain down some bad voodoo on this movie."
Because as I watched this movie, all I could think was, I cannot wait to blog about this bunch of hog crap.
Inception.
And let the debate begin.
Here's what I'm hearing from everyone. You either loved it or hated it. I am a hater.
I just didn't get it. And I have my suspicions that there are some people out there who are PRETENDING to like this movie because it was so out of control weird and hard to follow and confusing and they think that by liking it, they'll look really smart.
I don't care who knows. I didn't get it.
Just like I don't get Jackson Pollock art or foie gras or the Dow Jones or the weird ass fashions on the designers' runways or cilantro or the European man's affinity for wearing speedos or Fiona Apple or Hunter S.Thompson. All things I am supposed to like or understand but I don't.
Here's an indicator of what I'm talking about:
Approximately 20 minutes into this film starring Leonardo Dicaprio, I yelled, "I have no idea what's going on!"
My Hubby kind of chuckled, all puzzled like and said, "Neither do I."
And that was pretty much the movie.
Leonardo Dicaprio plays a dude who steals corporate secrets from people while they're dreaming. But they have to be dreaming within a dream or maybe dreaming within a dream within a dream. And also? Leonardo Dicaprio gets stuck in a dream. Or maybe not. He could just be dreaming he's stuck in a dream.
I don't freaking know.
All I know is you will spend the movie whispering under your breath, "What the hell is happening?"
Either that, or you'll PRETEND you know what's going on and you'll ooh and ahhh and nod your head like you are IN the know. Kind of like people who think modern sculptures are brilliant.
This is not brilliant. This is what my dogs would come up with if I let them loose in a pottery studio.
And in this Inception, you'll have no idea what's real life and what's a dream.
And on top of that, it co-stars Ellen Page who quite possibly might be the most annoying person on the planet.
I have found her annoying since her starring role in Juno.
Because if I could have stabbed a movie to death, I would have gone all Juliette Lewis and slashed Juno with a butcher knife until it was a bloody mess of pulp.
That's how much I hated that movie.
And sorry about the detour. It's a movie review within a movie review.
Anyway, Juno was oozing with contrived dialogue. And if there's one thing I hate, it is contrived writing. It just works too hard to be something it's not.
I honestly think Juno was such a darling of the critics because it was written by Diablo Cody an ex-stripper.
Now I have nothing against ex-strippers.
In fact, one of my dearest friends in the blog world, my soul sister in writing, is an ex-stripper. My girl, Christine Macdonald is busy working on her memoir, Pour Some Sugar On Me: Tales From An Ex-Stripper. I have had the privilege of reading excerpts of her book and trust me when I say, it will be a bestseller. Unflinching, hard at times to read what she's been through, but always, always beautifully written. This will be a brilliant piece of work when she's done.
Write hard, my girl. And I promise, we will do a conference together, sooner than later.
And now I'm really messing with your mind, a book review within a movie review within another movie review. Take that, Inception!
Anyway, back to my review that lies outside this review.
Besides the fact that you will have no idea what's happening 99.8% of the time in this movie, it has two things going for it; Amazing, amazing special effects. The kind that will make you feel like you're in your own dream, which you probably will anyway since none of this movie makes sense.
And then there's the men's suits. I would go through the pain of watching this movie again just to see all those beautiful men in their to die for suits. I don't know who the wardrobe person was in this movie, but they should win the Oscar for those suits.
Yum.
And more yum.
And hot fudge sundae kind of yum.
Towards the end of this movie, you're brought back to the beginning scene of the movie. I promise you, you will understand it even less than you did at the beginning. And I won't give anything away, because I really didn't understand any of it to give it away. But I yelled out in complete frustration, "Now who the hell is this old man? Where did he come from and why is he helping Leonardo of the beautiful suit get out of his dream?"
I still don't have any answers.
So if you want to be more confused than if you were doing some geometry homework, watch Inception.
And one more.
Go to the movies and just pass right by those stupid Fockers, because really? The first one was brilliant. The second one had its funny moments. Now, it's time to give it up.
Go see The Fighter. Trust me. You'll fall in love.
It stars Mark Wahlberg or as I like to think of him, Marky Mark. It's the true story of Micky Ward, a blue collar boy from Lowell Mass. who fights his way up to the welterweight title. But it's so much more than that. It's the story of a family, of an older brother who once knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard in a fight but now lives on the memory of his one big moment and the crack that now fuels his veins and the dysfunctional family that influence these two men.
And I know it sounds like a total downer, but it is not in any way. It is sweet and hilarious and riveting.
I dragged my hubby to this one because he of course, wanted to see The Fockers since there was nothing worse playing. And not only did I have to listen to his griping at first, the movie theater was full of rowdy folks. And I really don't like people who don't know when to be quiet. It really distracts me. And so I was getting upset because I had a loud talking girl in front of me and just a lot of blaa, blaa, blaaers around me and then right before the movie started, in walked a bunch of dudes who could have easily been the cast of Jersey Shore all talking belligerently loud. And I was all, "Great. Here comes the thugs."
But within the first few minutes of that movie, even the thugs were silent. You could hear a kernel of popcorn drop, it was just that riveting.
And even though, Marky Mark took four years to get in prize fighting shape and produced this movie, it is Christian Bale's film. He is a Daniel Day Lewis kind of actor. He disappears into his role. He lost 30 pounds to play Dickey, but it's just not that. He becomes this lost soul who still lives in the one shining moment of his life.
Here's a link to the trailer. Go see for yourself.
And so for today, we give two thumbs up to two movies and two thumbs down to three movies.
Now, shoo, get off the Internet and go spend some time at the movies. Marky Mark is waiting for you.
Today's Definite Download: The Fighter, along with being a spectacular movie, had one kick-ass soundtrack. And it started out with one of my favorite, favorite songs. The Heavy's "How You Like Me Now" and this, my friends is a song you have to appreciate by listening to it. So, go here. I know, I'm just killing your fingers and attention spans with all these links, today.
Hey, it was no party for me either, okay, to just link up all over the place. So for all my hard work, you better get your ass over to Youtube right now.
That's right. How you like me now?
☃☃☃☃☃☃☃☃☃☃☃☃
Today we have, Taa-Daaaa! Movie Reviews.
Today we have, Taa-Daaaa! Movie Reviews.
And yes, I know I still haven't finished vacation tales, but my vacation tales begin again next week and get ready, Internet, because . . . well, you'll see.
I'll give you a little peek. I did not get kidnapped in Mexico nor did I become The Man's drug mule. Although, I almost got abducted. For real. And that's just the beginning. Just you wait.
I'll give you a little peek. I did not get kidnapped in Mexico nor did I become The Man's drug mule. Although, I almost got abducted. For real. And that's just the beginning. Just you wait.
I have four movie reviews for you today because I've been awatchin' the movies. All for you, Internet, all for you. You are welcome.
When I was having my eye trouble, there wasn't much I could do because I don't know if you know this, but when you can't see, it affects pretty much everything except for sleeping.
I decided one night, with my eye patch on, to watch a movie, any movie that might take my mind off my troubles.
I settled on Love Happens, with Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston. I figured it had the gorgeous Aaron Eckhart in a love story. How could I go wrong?
I forgot about Jennifer Aniston.
And I'm sorry if you love Jennifer Aniston. I know my sister does, although I've yet to figure out why.
Jennifer Aniston, I have come to realize, is the most boring person on the planet.
She is more boring than Fr. Finnegan who taught me religion in the 6th grade.
That man did not speak. He droned. On and on and on.
And the only highlight of his monotonous droning was when he would say the word third. His thick Irish accent pronounced it turd. And let me tell you something mister, there is no bigger thrill for a 6th grade boy than to hear his teacher say turd. The boys would search the Bible for questions that would have to do with anything third. And if they could get him to say 33rd or "turdy turd" that was the jackpot, man.
But because Jennifer Aniston doesn't ever say the word turdy turd, she gets the crown of most boring person on the planet.
She's vanilla. And she can only play vanilla. And she just makes every movie she's in, a big, ole vanilla turd-less snoozefest. Don't believe me?
She is more boring than Fr. Finnegan who taught me religion in the 6th grade.
That man did not speak. He droned. On and on and on.
And the only highlight of his monotonous droning was when he would say the word third. His thick Irish accent pronounced it turd. And let me tell you something mister, there is no bigger thrill for a 6th grade boy than to hear his teacher say turd. The boys would search the Bible for questions that would have to do with anything third. And if they could get him to say 33rd or "turdy turd" that was the jackpot, man.
But because Jennifer Aniston doesn't ever say the word turdy turd, she gets the crown of most boring person on the planet.
She's vanilla. And she can only play vanilla. And she just makes every movie she's in, a big, ole vanilla turd-less snoozefest. Don't believe me?
She was in a movie with Gerard Butler and there were no sparks. Not a single one.
We're talking Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler could create fireworks with a dairy cow who has an udder full of mastitis. I know, gross. But true.
We're talking Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler could create fireworks with a dairy cow who has an udder full of mastitis. I know, gross. But true.
Don't hate me for this, but I really think it's why she can't hold onto a man.
Here's what I'm talking about.
Let's look at Brad Pitt's dating history over the years.
Robin Givens. Now, this is a woman who has gotten punched by Mike Tyson. You KNOW, this woman has some good stories to tell. If I were her boyfriend, I'd be all, "Okay, so enough talking about you. Tell me about Madman Mike."
If you've gotten punched by Mike Tyson, you are an interesting person. It's just a given.
Juliette Lewis.
Not the most attractive girl, but total, total weirdo. I mean, have you seen Natural Born Killers? Who looks at that script and thinks, "I get to spend the whole movie murdering people including drowning my dad in a fish tank and burning my mom alive in her bed? Sounds right up my alley!"
It gives me the shudders thinking about that psychotic bloodbath of murder, even now after all these years. And now she's given up acting to be a punk rock singer who wears ill fitting bizarre getups.
And you cannot get more interesting than that.
It gives me the shudders thinking about that psychotic bloodbath of murder, even now after all these years. And now she's given up acting to be a punk rock singer who wears ill fitting bizarre getups.
Then you have Gwyneth Paltrow, who might be insufferably smug with way too thin hair, ( how come this girl doesn't ante up the money for some hair extensions?) but she's a good actress and she knows like 500 languages and she names her kids after fruits and she did a knock up job on Glee proving her versatility and she stars in two of my favorite movies of all times, Shakespeare in Love and Emma and to top it all off, she's married to a rock star. Interesting with a smug, capital I in 500 different languages.
And then of course, you have the slattern who stole Brad Pitt away from the Bore. Angelina Jolie wears blood as jewelry and french kisses her brother and plans on adopting a child from every country in the world. Weird. Beautiful. And a global mother. Interesting, for sure. And before you get all up in my grill, yes, I hate her as much as every other woman on the planet. But she is still interesting.
What has Jennifer Aniston done except play lame, vanilla Jennifer Aniston in all of her movies and play Jennifer Aniston on Friends and of course, have good hair. Who wants their claim to fame to be good hair?
Boring. Boring. Boring.
Boring. Boring. Boring.
I hate boring people. The other night, we had someone who stopped by our house and so, as usual, we brought out the wine. As I've said before, my Hubby has mad skills when it comes to his wine pouring. He is generous and subtle at the same time. Your glass is always full. But as we sat there talking to our guest, who we didn't know very well, we realized he was rather boring. I was stifling yawns behind my hand. And then something I've never seen before happened, my hubby stopped pouring the wine. And for a few awkward moments, we all just sat there, drowning in this dude's boredom with empty wine glasses, hoping he would get the hint.
After the boring dude blessedly left, I remarked to the hubby that I'd never seen him stop pouring wine before.
And he said, "He was so boring. He wasn't wine worthy."
I think Jennifer Anniston, if she came to our house, would not be wine worthy.
This movie, in a nutshell, was about Aaron Eckhart who plays a self help guru who tours the country helping people pull themselves out of the depths of their grief. But in real life, he's a big mess who's never gotten over his own wife's death.
I know, right? Sounds like a real party, so far. Definitely something you want to see when you're trying to forget the fact that you may or may not be going blind.
I know, right? Sounds like a real party, so far. Definitely something you want to see when you're trying to forget the fact that you may or may not be going blind.
Jennifer Anniston is this hipster, flower shop owner. And it just burned me up in annoyance because Jennifer Anniston cannot play hipster. What she did play was, boring vanilla girl with good hair trying very badly to play a hipster.
And she has all these annoying friends and in one super annoying scene they're all a-smoking the hookah which they look ridiculous doing because they're clearly so not hookah people, and then they're traipsing through town, chewing gum and placing it on some gum wall sculpture and visiting Bruce Lee's grave, like they're uber cool, which they are not. They are annoying, is what they are. The director should have stopped right in the middle of that scene and just said, "Cut! This is so not working! Get me Drew Barrymore. And some less annoying friends. Where's Joey?"
I won't give anything away, because there's nothing to give away. It's that damn boring. But I will say, the final scene is the gorgeous Aaron Eckhart and Bore Jen finally having their first kiss.
And it was the worst thing I've ever seen. It was more cold fish than actually kissing a cold fish.
Love Happens is not worth your time, especially since it just got me more worked up about my eye because it was that stupid and annoying. It should have been called, Stupid and Annoying Happens When Snoozehound Jennifer Aniston Is Involved In A Movie.
And then there was this:
Sighhhhh.
I have been waiting for this to come out on DVD, since I missed its short run at the theaters.
It was so worth the wait.
If you must see one movie this year, see this.
I made everyone I know, above a certain age, watch it. If they stepped foot in my house, I popped this movie in and pushed them down on my couch.
Everyone, that is, except my Hubby. He has a great aversion to my kind of movies. You know, the good ones. And even though I tried to coerce him by telling him there was a lesbian sex scene, he wouldn't budge. He just went back to his MacGruber.
If you, by chance, have been living under a rock, this movie is the surprise hit of the year. And why wouldn't it be with my boyfriend in it?
It's the story of two teenage kids who seek out their sperm donor father and develop a relationship with him. This brings all kinds of complications to their once happy family, a family consisting of their two lesbian mothers.
The cast of Annette Benning, Julianne Moore and of course, Mark Ruffalo makes this movie just absolute scrumptiousness.
And if you didn't love Mark Ruffalo before, this movie will make you want to have his baby. He is that dreamy and manly and just gorgeously sexy in this movie.
I want to have his baby which says a lot since I no longer have a uterus. Thanks hysterectomy doc!
And the one other thing I will say about this movie, is there's this scene where the two moms dropped their girl off at college for the first time. And as the mommies were saying goodbye to their girl, they were so full of grief. They both swooped up their daughter and just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
And in that moment, I thought, "Wow. It's a pretty good thing I'm not a lesbian." Not that I don't love lesbians. I have some very dear lesbian friends, but if my life partner was another girl, I'd still be crying over my Olivia leaving for college. And that was two years ago. Seriously.
Thank God for my Hubby who patted me on the back, kind of mystified by my grief, but his manly stoicism helped me pull myself together after about a week of tears. If he'd been a woman? Forget it. We'd still be crying together.
So, go see, The Kids Are All Right immediately, or at least wait until you finish reading this and then go.
Okay, so last week, the fair and beloved Empress of the Blogworld said she was waiting for me to review this next movie and I was all, "Don't you worry, Empress. I am about to rain down some bad voodoo on this movie."
Because as I watched this movie, all I could think was, I cannot wait to blog about this bunch of hog crap.
Inception.
And let the debate begin.
Here's what I'm hearing from everyone. You either loved it or hated it. I am a hater.
I just didn't get it. And I have my suspicions that there are some people out there who are PRETENDING to like this movie because it was so out of control weird and hard to follow and confusing and they think that by liking it, they'll look really smart.
I don't care who knows. I didn't get it.
Just like I don't get Jackson Pollock art or foie gras or the Dow Jones or the weird ass fashions on the designers' runways or cilantro or the European man's affinity for wearing speedos or Fiona Apple or Hunter S.Thompson. All things I am supposed to like or understand but I don't.
Here's an indicator of what I'm talking about:
Approximately 20 minutes into this film starring Leonardo Dicaprio, I yelled, "I have no idea what's going on!"
My Hubby kind of chuckled, all puzzled like and said, "Neither do I."
And that was pretty much the movie.
Leonardo Dicaprio plays a dude who steals corporate secrets from people while they're dreaming. But they have to be dreaming within a dream or maybe dreaming within a dream within a dream. And also? Leonardo Dicaprio gets stuck in a dream. Or maybe not. He could just be dreaming he's stuck in a dream.
I don't freaking know.
All I know is you will spend the movie whispering under your breath, "What the hell is happening?"
Either that, or you'll PRETEND you know what's going on and you'll ooh and ahhh and nod your head like you are IN the know. Kind of like people who think modern sculptures are brilliant.
And in this Inception, you'll have no idea what's real life and what's a dream.
And on top of that, it co-stars Ellen Page who quite possibly might be the most annoying person on the planet.
I have found her annoying since her starring role in Juno.
Because if I could have stabbed a movie to death, I would have gone all Juliette Lewis and slashed Juno with a butcher knife until it was a bloody mess of pulp.
That's how much I hated that movie.
And sorry about the detour. It's a movie review within a movie review.
Anyway, Juno was oozing with contrived dialogue. And if there's one thing I hate, it is contrived writing. It just works too hard to be something it's not.
I honestly think Juno was such a darling of the critics because it was written by Diablo Cody an ex-stripper.
Now I have nothing against ex-strippers.
In fact, one of my dearest friends in the blog world, my soul sister in writing, is an ex-stripper. My girl, Christine Macdonald is busy working on her memoir, Pour Some Sugar On Me: Tales From An Ex-Stripper. I have had the privilege of reading excerpts of her book and trust me when I say, it will be a bestseller. Unflinching, hard at times to read what she's been through, but always, always beautifully written. This will be a brilliant piece of work when she's done.
Write hard, my girl. And I promise, we will do a conference together, sooner than later.
And now I'm really messing with your mind, a book review within a movie review within another movie review. Take that, Inception!
Anyway, back to my review that lies outside this review.
Besides the fact that you will have no idea what's happening 99.8% of the time in this movie, it has two things going for it; Amazing, amazing special effects. The kind that will make you feel like you're in your own dream, which you probably will anyway since none of this movie makes sense.
And then there's the men's suits. I would go through the pain of watching this movie again just to see all those beautiful men in their to die for suits. I don't know who the wardrobe person was in this movie, but they should win the Oscar for those suits.
Yum.
And more yum.
And hot fudge sundae kind of yum.
Towards the end of this movie, you're brought back to the beginning scene of the movie. I promise you, you will understand it even less than you did at the beginning. And I won't give anything away, because I really didn't understand any of it to give it away. But I yelled out in complete frustration, "Now who the hell is this old man? Where did he come from and why is he helping Leonardo of the beautiful suit get out of his dream?"
I still don't have any answers.
So if you want to be more confused than if you were doing some geometry homework, watch Inception.
And one more.
Go to the movies and just pass right by those stupid Fockers, because really? The first one was brilliant. The second one had its funny moments. Now, it's time to give it up.
Go see The Fighter. Trust me. You'll fall in love.
It stars Mark Wahlberg or as I like to think of him, Marky Mark. It's the true story of Micky Ward, a blue collar boy from Lowell Mass. who fights his way up to the welterweight title. But it's so much more than that. It's the story of a family, of an older brother who once knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard in a fight but now lives on the memory of his one big moment and the crack that now fuels his veins and the dysfunctional family that influence these two men.
And I know it sounds like a total downer, but it is not in any way. It is sweet and hilarious and riveting.
I dragged my hubby to this one because he of course, wanted to see The Fockers since there was nothing worse playing. And not only did I have to listen to his griping at first, the movie theater was full of rowdy folks. And I really don't like people who don't know when to be quiet. It really distracts me. And so I was getting upset because I had a loud talking girl in front of me and just a lot of blaa, blaa, blaaers around me and then right before the movie started, in walked a bunch of dudes who could have easily been the cast of Jersey Shore all talking belligerently loud. And I was all, "Great. Here comes the thugs."
But within the first few minutes of that movie, even the thugs were silent. You could hear a kernel of popcorn drop, it was just that riveting.
And even though, Marky Mark took four years to get in prize fighting shape and produced this movie, it is Christian Bale's film. He is a Daniel Day Lewis kind of actor. He disappears into his role. He lost 30 pounds to play Dickey, but it's just not that. He becomes this lost soul who still lives in the one shining moment of his life.
Here's a link to the trailer. Go see for yourself.
And so for today, we give two thumbs up to two movies and two thumbs down to three movies.
Now, shoo, get off the Internet and go spend some time at the movies. Marky Mark is waiting for you.
Today's Definite Download: The Fighter, along with being a spectacular movie, had one kick-ass soundtrack. And it started out with one of my favorite, favorite songs. The Heavy's "How You Like Me Now" and this, my friends is a song you have to appreciate by listening to it. So, go here. I know, I'm just killing your fingers and attention spans with all these links, today.
Hey, it was no party for me either, okay, to just link up all over the place. So for all my hard work, you better get your ass over to Youtube right now.
That's right. How you like me now?
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44 comments:
I'm going to pretend we don't feel differently about Inception, because it sounds like I'd just be shouting at you trying to make you understand it and you would be shouting "but it doesn't make SENSE!" Kind of how I feel about the last season of Lost. It doesn't make any sense.
And was that seriously a picture of Jennifer Aston dressed up as a hipster? She looks nothing of the sort. Start over. Just start the shooting of the movie over.
And now I will crawl back into my Inception-loving hole and wait patiently for vacation tales. Onward!
I was "meh" about Inception. I thought I understood it till I read this review...maybe I'm just blissfully ignorant.
Love Christian Bale in almost everything and I can't stand Jennifer Aniston. Love your theory about her relationship with Brad.
I don't watch any adult movies. sigh. But if I do dislike Jennifer A, she bugs.
I am teary-eyed and mushy reading your post. Yes, a recovering narcissist, I am...I am speaking of your mention of me, of course! THANK YOU and I can't wait to meet you - sooner rather than later. :)
LOVE your reviews. I feel the same way about Mark R. :)
xxoo
Thank god there is someone else out there that can't stand Jennifer Aniston. Her characters never have a different personality. gets on my nerves.
Oh, I am just so happy when I get to read your blog. Your posts are nice and long and they flow so beautifully and it is like I can hear you talking in my head. Eventhough I have never heard you speak. You have such a gift and I cannot wait to read your book!
I still might watch Love Happens just because I heart Aaron Eckhart.
I've always thought The Kids Are All Right looked interesting...just not sure I will watch it. Although with Mark in it...
I am so glad to find someone in the world who hates Juno...I didn't even finish it. I just couldn't get through it.
Boyfriend and I are still debating on whether or not we should watch Inception. I'll let you know what we think if we do.
I have to thank you for all of the eye candy you always provide. I just love the men you post pictures of.
Thanks for your thoughts...I don't get out to watch movies much anymore!
Thanks for the reviews. I didn't care for the Aaron Eckhart one, either. I wanted to see "The Kids are Alright" so I'm glad to hear that it is good.
I went to see two movies over the holidays - "So how do you know?" - which I thought was slow - give it two stars out of 4, and "The Black Swan", which is weird.I commend Natalie Portman for her skill in dancing, but the movie took on a weird turn.
I LOVED Inception. J and I had totally different opinions about it but we really enjoyed it.
I hate Jennifer. It's not fair to be that gorgeous and that boring and uppity.
Gerard Butler. Yum. Watch Law Abiding Citizen JUST for the naked view of his ass. He's standing all naked in one scene. It's so, so good. Oscar caliber ass.
I'm not impressed with Jennifer Anniston either- she is the same in every movie. Blah!
I have been wanting to see both of the movies you love- I'm glad to hear you liked them :) I'll have to check them out!
Oh man. I have never wanted to feign diarrhea more in my life! I love your picks and your pans. Now THAT is what I am talking about for movie reviews!
And plain-Jane vanilla Jennifer Aniston? She is always "Jennifer Aniston playing a jilted lover" or "Jennifer Aniston playing a pseudo-hippie flower shop girl"... she is the female counterpart to "Tom Cruise"... as in "Tom Cruise plays a fighter pilot" or "Tom Cruise plays a NASCAR driver". Puh-lease. I have way better hair than Jennifer Aniston. And I can act my way out of a paper bag (which I doubt Miss Jen could do). Brad was right to run when he had the chance.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
I just adore you!!!!
This post cracks me up for a million reasons - but #1 on the list is because the husband and I just watched 22 minutes of Inception this very evening (after he saw it last week and said I just "had" to watch it with him), and 20 minutes into it I looked at him and said, "What the hell is this movie about?" 2 minutes later, I decided I was done. So glad it wasn't just me!!! Have a great night, my dear!
I have so much to say. First, I too had a Fr. Finnegan growing up that also said turd. Wouldn't that be funny if it was the same one. When I was little I called him Fr. Figenan and he still remembers that. I think he's out of Sarasota now. He's actually played poker with my nephew.
I can't say I hated Inception. I was so engrossed in all the yummy suited men I didn't really care. You don't get much better then Leo in a suit. Maybe George. I would try to explain the old man but like Twelve, it would be hard. I really like Joseph Gordon Levitt from way back on 3rd Rock from the Sun. I miss that show.
Could you find a worse picture of Gweneth? Holy crap it looks like she just worked the late shift at pizza joint. And I thought I was oily. Give that girl some blotting tissues.
I like Marky Mark so I'd see the Fighter. If you say Christian Bale is good, I'll take your word for it. He hasn't impressed me in other movies.
And there was a second Fockers movie? I thought this was the second one.
I live under such a rock, I never see anything. I think I want to see "The Kids are Alright" and "The Fighter."
Brad Pitt has had some interesting dates. That Juliette Lewis seems like a wing nut. I bet it's hard to go vanilla after that.
I'm with you on most everything you don't "get." Except cilantro. I love cilantro!
Still laughing. You're way better than either Ebert or Siskel, or whoever, ever was!
Just saw The Figher the other night, and wow! What a great movie. I was astonished by the mother -- wow -- and the actress, Melissa Leo, was incredible in addition to Mark and Christian.
And although I agree that Mark Ruffalo is delicious, um...a word of appreciation for Marky Mark and his abs and other parts?
Yum. I suggested to my husband that maybe want to adopt a boxing workout.
(Oh, and as I was all, "yum, Marky Mark," he was all, "You know, Amy Adams is on my list," so we agreed that if Mark or Amy were to drop by, we'd leave the wedding rings by the sink.)
Good movie.
Brava! Brava!
And now, I am a bit worried since I was able to keep up with the whole flow of that post, and not feel like you were jumping around at all.
it was easy to follow, and I think that's a warning sign. Or, maybe, I must finally face what I"ve suspected for years: Adult ADD.
Whatever, that post there? Felt like home, me inside my head
Ahhhhhhh....
Confession - I obsessed with Jennifer Aniston. I know! Don't stone me. I can't help it! I want her hair and her body and her wardrobe. But yes, not her personality. Oh, and I want her legs.
With this said, do NOT see The Bounty Hunter. While I love her and everything her this movie made me want to leave the theater which I never do.
Pure dreck. Blech. Ish.
Love your reviews!
Of course, 3 comment worthy: b/c this post is 3 comment worthy. After 15 mins of reading time, still worth more time from me.
In this order:
1. Me no likee the Jennifer Anniston. adorable, yes. boring, yes.
2. LOVE YOUR PICTURES
3. Loved The Kids Are Alright. Makes me want to be part of a lesbian couple. No Lie. Talk about friendship with benefits.
4. INCEPTION!!!!!!! AARGH. That movie stole almost 2 hours of my life and made me feel like I was drunk on an empty stomach.
But, totally worth the suits.
Gaaah! THE SUITS!
Joann Mannix:
YOU ROCK MY WORLD!
One more:
Just have to.
I only want movie reviews from you.
EV-ER.
RE: Inception. I have heard tons of people say, "OMG, that movie was SOOOO good! It took me a while to figure out what is going on, but I got it at the end."
I'm constantly thinking: "No you didn't.... and you still don't. Please be quiet."
Thank you for being honest about this movie. :)
Seven things.
1. I loved The Fighter
2. Inception is on my Nexflix list. Should I delete it?
3. I am as boring as Jennifer.
4. My Jan. 4th blog post mentions you and Johhny Depp
5. We need more honest movie reviewers like you
6. How's your book coming along?
7.You are deserving of giant blog awards!You are funny, real, honest and so talented.
Love em all!
Yikes! Oh, Joann, Terra and I watched Inception the other day and loved it. But I also like modern art, Angelina Jolie, Ellen Page and Juno. So there's that.
But we can agree on the suits (yummy!) and Jennifer (snore).
Oh, and you don't want to be Siskel or Ebert. Siskel's dead and Ebert's had his entire throat and under his jaw removed due to cancer. His jaw hangs off his cheeks in a permanent Cheshire Cat grin. Creepy. He uses a voice program to talk taken from previous recordings. Creepier.
Choose somebody else, 'kay?
Thanks for these reviews. OK, my hubby came in five minutes late to Inception and I leaned over and whispered "I have no idea what is going on in this movie." I could have said that at the end of the movie as well.
I could not agree more with your movie reviews, Joann. Inception was one great big pile of ridiculousness. My husband and I turned it off after 20 minutes. We are both very smart people and have a knack for figuring out plots and twists and all that well before the movie gets to it...But Inception? Give me a break. The suits couldn't even get me back to watch it!
And, Christian Bale was really just something else in The Fighter. I'm not eve a big fan of his - I LOVE Marky Mark - but Mr. Bale stole this entire movie. Brilliant.
Remember when Leo was cute on Growing Pains and then hot in Titanic? Is he like 50 now? So over him.
Every time I see the ads for The Fighter I cringe because of those awful Boston accents. I mean they are done properly, they aren't fake (those are even worse) and since Marky comes from MA, he's qualified to speak Bostonese, but I just hate the accent. Hate. IT. And I'm surrounded by it. One of the actors sounds identical to one of k-ster's uncles.
You crack me up with your book review within a movie review within another movie review. I look forward to your posts so much! They never cease to make me smirk, laugh, guffaw, or just smile.
Clearly we have the same taste in movies...and men.
Your vacation story does sound like it will be very interesting. I agree with the dogs and the art statue! Nice reviews
kim
Turdy Turd.
Snort.
I didn't realize it until just now, but you are right on about Jennifer Aniston. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Your thumbs up for The Kids Are All Right and The Fighter make me happy. Those are both movies I want to see (but my husband doesn't - he's watching MacGruber, too). Now I know I won't be wasting time when I rent them!
You get two thumbs up for great movie reviews!
I was hungry before, and now after looking at all that man candy I'm even more so! Mmmm...Aaron Eckhart. Mmmm...Gerard Butler. Mmmmm...the thought of Brad Pitt, cheating dog that he is. Leonardo...meh.
And is it just me, or does Juliette Lewis look like her lower half is completely turned around backward?
Love the book review within a movie review within a movie review, even if I did actually like Juno. I did not, however, care too much for Diablo Cody's book about her life as a stripper. A mix of boring with mildly interesting and a dash of want to scrub my mind with bleach and a bottle brush.
oh my gosh! i was laughing hysterically from start to finish of this blog! absolutely love the title! and my favorite is your husband stopped pouring wine because he wasn't "wine worthy" i love it! totally something i would do!
There is so much that I want to write, but only have time for a short comment.
I have never really liked Anniston. The only movie she has done that I have loved is Office Space and it was not really because of her at all.
I've always been a Courtney Cox kind of guy.
I find Gwyneth Paltrow to be smug too and unbearable. But I have a huge man crush on her husband, so I keep telling myself she can't be all that bad.
LMAO at this post. First, I avoid JA movies because she is sooooo boring. Same, same, same, same. Over and over. And she only USED to have good hair. Now she's just the that girl in Hollywood that has had the same hairstyle foreeeever. Total kudos to your husband for the non-wine worthy guest. And then we differ, cause I hated The Kids Are Alright. Sorry. They were the most unconvincing lesbian couple I've ever seen. Now Mark Ruffalo, he is the reason I actually watched all the way through. YUMMY! Now I don't want to see Inception at all, but really wanted to see The Fighter anyway - love Marky Mark!
-Ally
You must have missed my blog posts about my best friend Jen and I, cavorting around Cabo in our rocking bikini-clad bodies! As much as I do like my best gal pal, her movies suck. Just saw "The Bounty Hunter" - awful. And Gerard Butler does absolutely nothing for me. Of course, why would he when Daniel Craig shares my nightly bed?
I was going to say "I think I love you" but I'm pretty sure I know.
My husband looks like Marky Mark (kind of) and we fell asleep watching Inception last night.
Seriously. We have two kids who were BOTH at sleepovers so we thought "No kids. Wine. Movie. Sex." And Inception was so confusing we fell asleep.
We are not stupid people. Mostly. But that movie? What.
So thanks for making me laugh. About the fact that we had no sex last night. I think that's what I'm laughing about.
Otherwise, I'd cry.
Carry on. And I love you.
You just made me realize that Jennifer Aniston is boring, so you can consider that your good deed of the day!
You are totally right about Jennifer Aniston and the same type of (vanilla) characters she plays.
Who's the dude opposite Leo? i think he looks scary! Those well-defined cheekbones look like they belong on a runaway model.
Okay so you didn't like Inception or Jennifer Aniston, I suppose we can still be friends. But only because I think you're pretty. (I'm shallow like that)
Oh and you forgot that Paltrow writes that GOOP blog newslettery thingie, don't know if that adds to her appeal or not...
Get outta my head with yer bad self. The Kids Are Alright = HEAVEN and everything else you said. p.s. you have to see Rabbit Hole. Happy New Year Dear One!
Marky Mark is probably my biggest celebrity crush and I am so going to see The Fighter immediately if not sooner. I loved The Kids Are All Right but when it was over, Hubby just looked at me and said "What??? What was the point?" One we rented that I did like was Salt. I'm not much of an Angelina Jolie fan but I thought it was good. And we did go see Little Fockers and, unfortunately, it was so not up to par with the original and the second one. Did not see Inception and I definitely won't now. Thanks for that! =D
So maybe we could put Brad and Camille in a movie together and wait to see her and Angelina slug it out. Would your hubby like that? My money's on Angie, though. She's a bad ass. And I like Jennifer. I defend her. She seems to have a lot of friends, and I think that says a lot about who she probably really is. Can't wait to see the Mark Ruffalo one, though! Speaking of Angelina, Have you seen SALT yet?
Your Fr. Finnegan sounds like my Econ 101 professor in college - Dr. Lau. Couldn't pronounce his "l"s.
Nothing like a class full of 18-year-olds listening to some dude talk about "fucktuations"
Still funny.
And you're so right, Jennifer Anniston is vanilla. And not that awesome kind with the "dirt" either. Yawn.
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