It's Hard Out Here For A Thug
Monday, February 7, 2011
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Really? Really?

That's what you all think of me? 

You think I've been ARRESTED? 52 guesses and only three people believed I wasn't a criminal. Everyone else was all, "Let's see here—arrested?  Oh, that is DEFINITELY the truth!"

And that doesn't even include my Facebook friends and people in real life who All. Guessed. Wrong. 

Even my best friend Michelle guessed something else and I was all, "You know me! You think I've been in the back of a squad car? I mean, you know, for arrest purposes?"

And Michelle was like, "Well, I know what we've done on some of our nights out that could definitely qualify as misdemeanors, so I figured it just slipped your mind to tell me you finally got busted for something."

She does have a good point. 

But no. I have never been arrested. I've had two, count them, two speeding tickets throughout my whole life. And I am convinced I got one of them because it was early in the morning and I had my fright wig hair going on and no makeup and my broken glasses taped at the corner and yeah, I didn't even try. The other one is a long, freakish story involving a slow speed car chase and well, I'll tell you that another time. 

So the thing is, I might be an anarchist, but I am a law abiding anarchist. 

I have a feeling you'd like me to go over the rest of the list, right? 

Okay, here we go. 

1. Yes, I've had something on my body tucked. 

A few years back, as my friend Paula brilliantly coined it, I had my whore of a uterus taken out. At my post- surgical checkup three weeks later, after I gave my doc the 411 on how I was feeling, he asked, "And how's your urination?"

This is not something I'd ever been asked before. 

I started to say defensively, "My urination is just fine, thank you!" But then it hit me and I was all, "Heyyyy, my urination is AMAZING! Now that you bring it up, suddenly I can hold it forever."

And he nodded and said, "You're welcome. When I was in there, I gave you a bladder tuck. Your bladder was in pretty good shape, but it's quite a small bladder and I figured it could use some extra help."

I already knew about my small bladder. I had a doctor one time, describe my bladder as infantile. And I don't think he was talking about its maturity level. 

My Hubby has never been happier over my bladder tuck. He doesn't have to stop every 20 minutes when we're in the car anymore. I can go on a trip to China and never have to pee. 

I would highly recommend a bladder tuck. 

2. As for this next one, keep in mind, we've been collecting wine for years.

Keep in mind that we get wine club shipments like this just about every week.

And keep in mind that we really love wine. We have paintings professing our love of wine.

Keep in mind too, that when we built our house, this was my Hubby's main priority. And some of you correctly said, you cannot have a wine cellar in Florida, which is true. Our high water table prevents it. It's not technically a cellar. It's just two steps down. Really.

But, I still think it counts for a wine cellar, since it's made from the Redwoods of California and it's climatically controlled at a constant 57 degrees.

And it has wine.

Lots of wine.

Up high and down low and behind all the rows are more rows of wine. 

We're more than equipped if a hurricane comes.

I collect large format bottles. Here's one of my favorites from a winery called St. Supery. Every year a local artist paints their rendition of what St. Supery would be like if there was a St. Supery. 

And here's another one of my favorites. That's a normal sized wine bottle next to it, to give you an indication of its size. We need to have a great big party and open this baby up. 

Here's my Julia with the hounds, none of who drink wine.
And this is me, concluding my tour of my wine cellar. You can often find me here, especially on my daughters' shared PMS days.

3. I do seem to know someone wherever I go, which drives my hubby bonkers. And yes, I was once in a strip club with my friend Michelle, (thankfully she didn't guess this one as a lie) and I ran into a guy I knew. It's a good story, a great story, as a matter of fact. I'll put it in the queue for later.  

4. Yes, I have stood outside Bono's homes in both Ireland and NYC, just kind of loitering and and waiting to see if he was around. He wasn't. 

One of my commenters said this one was the lie because they didn't think I knew where Bono lived. Clearly, they are not well versed on stalking. 

Google. It's a stalker's best friend.

And when I say stalking, I mean just hanging around outside. I would never try to climb through one of his windows and go from room to room, going "Bono, where aaaarrrree you?" Because I'm not a creepy stalker. I'm a nice, LAW-ABIDING stalker. Just for the record. 

This is also a good story. I've made references to it before here at the blog, but I never tire of writing a Bono post, so I'll fill you in on this one, too.

5. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED. GEEZ! Althoughhhh . . . I was responsible for a man getting arrested, recently. Actually, my hair was responsible for getting a man arrested. And I wasn't going to blog about this one, but I think I've changed my mind. Trust me, this is one crazy story you won't want to miss. 

6. It's all true about my gator trapper. You see, here in Florida it's a felony to kill an alligator, which is completely ridiculous because gators are everywhere and they eat people and dogs on a regular basis, but we can't retaliate against their man and pup eating ways.  

Damn gator huggers. Gators are good for nothing but purses and shoes.

And since I've never killed a gator, I have not committed a felony nor a misdemeanor, so I'VE NEVER BEEN ARRESTED. 

Anyway, when gators climb onto the banks of private lakes, they're considered a nuisance. It usually means they've lost their fear of people, because some idiot was feeding them. When you start seeing them in your yard, you can call the state licensed gator trapper. A few years back, we had a big one in our yard, so our neighbor called the gator trapper. That's when his wife told us the gator trapper had died and we were all, "A gator got him?" 

Because that's what you would think when a young gator trapper dies. 

But no. 

Now my part of Florida is the strawberry capital of the world. Strawberries are king down here. It seems our gator trapper was best buddies with one of our biggest, wealthiest strawberry farmers. One day, the strawberry farmer invited the gator trapper over to check out his new helicopter. And as the strawberry farmer showed off his new toy, making all kinds of fancy moves, the gator trapper was on the ground filming his best bud. The strawberry farmer in one of his fancy moves, clipped the side of his house and came crashing down, right on top of the gator trapper. 

Now I ask you, if you hunt gators for a living, what are the odds you're going to get killed by a flying helicopter? Quite rare, I'd say.

7. I am an obsessive compulsive toothbrusher. If I eat something, I've got to brush. If I don't, I can just feel the bacteria sprouting in my mouth. I also floss obsessively, too. 

This, does not in any way, mean I have good teeth. 

My  20's didn't have a lot of dental visits. Add to that, the fact that I nursed three babies for over a year each and I hate milk. Hello, cracked teeth all over the place. I've had more than my share of implants, (oh, that would have been a great truth!) to replace my broken teeth. 

In fact, I was a little worried that my dental hygienist Mary would read this post and make a comment. 

By the way, Mary is also the genius behind all my Bono and Me pictures and I'm so excited to unveil her newest creation. Taa-Daa!

Bono and Me at some art show. Isn't that just awesome! Thank you Mary for another great Bono and Me picture. 

But I was afraid Mary would read my list and comment with, "Number 7 is a lie. I am intimate with your teeth and I know this to be a big fat lie." 

My teeth are clean, they're just jacked up. Well, they're not jacked up anymore. Copious amounts of money have taken care of the jacked up part. 

And even though they're jacked up, my dentist does always compliment me on my saliva flow. He says I have more saliva than any of his other patients. This evidently is a good thing. It helps prevent cavities. In fact, as I sit here writing this, I just had a stream of drool run down the corner of my mouth. It's the downside to heavy saliva flow. My kids hate it that I'm a drooler.

8. Yes, I have been naked on a beach. Recently, I might add. Story to come. 

9. Yes, I have been trapped by firetrucks and lots and lots of hot firemen. I'll put this one in the queue. You'll highly enjoy it, Internet, because it involves me making an ass out of myself along with hot firemen. 

10. Yes, I have flashed my lady bits at my daughter's pediatrician. I'll tell that bit of mortification in the days to come. 


Now that we've confirmed I am no criminal but I am just about everything else you can imagine, including a flasher, we will continue the stories another day. 

Here's what we have to look forward to: 

The time I was involved in a slow speed car chase, me being the one who was chased. And as it turned out, I also knew the police officer. I told you, I know everyone. 

My story of bumping into someone I knew in a strip club and my reason for being in a strip club which probably is the most amusing part of the whole tale.  

My stalking of Bono and the fact that I NEVER GOT ARRESTED for stalking or anything else for that matter. 

My hair being responsible for a man's arrest. 

My wild swinging nudist lifestyle on the beach. 

Getting trapped by a bunch of hot, hunky firefighters while a building burned. Oh, that is such a good one. 

Flashing my daughter's pediatrician. 

I just have to say, I'm re-reading this list and I'm realizing one true thing about myself. 

I am an honest to goodness freak! This has never occurred to me before.  

So, here's how we're going to do this. I'm going to finish the Mexican tales and then we'll tackle each of these. 

Today's Definite Download: My team won the Super Bowl last night. I didn't realize this until everyone at the Super Bowl party started cheering and I was all, "Is it over? Who won?" 

Because that's how much I love football. 

I chose to root for the Packers because I like cheese. That's it. It worked for me. 

And even though I didn't watch the game, I did, of course, watch the halftime show. Last night, I thought the show was pretty terrific. But that was because I was drinking wine and whenever I drink wine everything's pretty terrific. I went back and watched it this morning and without wine—not so much. 

Now, I love the Black Eyed Peas and Slash and Usher. In fact, there should have been more Usher and I do mean more Usher. I was sitting there hoping that white coat of his was coming off because there is nothing better than a shirtless Usher. Sadly, that didn't happen. Because if it did, this halftime review would have been much different.

What I'm saying is, I've seen better halftime shows. 

I know this year they were trying to infuse a little more youth into the show after being criticized for having way too many oldsters up on the Super Bowl stage these last few years.

And I love new music more than anyone. My playlist is more representative of a 20-year-old than someone of my cobwebbed years. But . . . 

I started thinking about other Super Bowl halftime shows and I have to say, many of those oldsters kicked The Black Eyed Peas ass. 

Because they went out there and did what they do best, they sang. Just sang. They didn't have dancing, glowing Tron robots. They didn't have to ask Where Is The Love because the LOVE had been hijacked by the LOIE, all in lights. They just went out there and rocked the house. Something I think the Black Eyed Peas lost in all their glitz. 

For today, I'm going to highlight some oldsters who've rocked the Super Bowl house. 

The first is a 61-year-old man who shows the Peas how it's done. Click the link right here because the NFL will pull a video from your site before you even have a chance to blink. Check the backbend this old man does at the beginning of his set. Pretty damn good for an AARP member. 

For a better indicator of this rocker's raw energy and talent, check out this amazing performance here. 

The Black Eyed Who?

And then, of course, you have this 50-year-old man and his oldster band who brought a Super Bowl stadium to its knees, right here.

And for a real taste of what this Irish boy and his band are capable of, take a look at this bit of gloriousness. Here they are at home, performing their most sacred song at Slane Castle. There is, hands down, nothing like this band playing this song live. 

My Hubby swears that one of these days he is taking me to The Emerald Isle to see these boys perform. He's a good man, I think I'll keep him. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some teeth that need brushing. 


Christine Macdonald said...

You had me at WINE.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I can't wait to read every single one of your stories. Now hurry up, would ya.

Shell said...

Look at all the post you have coming- there's a fabulous writing plan!

I want to come visit you and hang out in your wine cellar.

randine said...

I knew you weren't a thug! Or at least- I was pretty sure. Kind of. 50/50.

And WOW you're wine cellar is amazing. I really need to come visit you some time.

Noelle said...

I am speechless over your wine cellar that's not a cellar. Speechless.

Are those bottles protected from any and all natural disasters that might occur?

Oh wait...I'm speechless. No further comment.

Unknown said...

A bladder tuck sounds amazing. Maybe after I have my next child I can have them give me a little tuck after my c-section.
Now a question...
Can I come live in your wine cellar?
That place looks banana's!

Baby Sister said...

If I were a wine drinker...I would want my wine cellar to look like yours. I guess I could always make a hot chocolate cellar... :)
I was was between Bono's house and being arrested....but to make my life happier I went with Bono. Shame on me.

Kate Geisen said...

Remember way back when you initially posted your listof truths I called living in the wine cellar?! Now that I see it's all gorgeous and wood and not a creepy dank basement, I'm stoked. See you in a week or so...I've got a few loose ends to tie up around here.

My iPod playlist sounds like that of a 16 year old boy. It's s little embarrassing. That's what I get for letting my son pick the music when I drive him to practice.

Cecelia Winesap said...

JEALOUS of your wine cellar!! I wish this was in my house. And you mentioned you were in a strip club once. What was that like? I want to go to one because I've never been, but I feel weird about it, me being a hetero girl and all. My husband said he would take me, but I'm on the fence. Advice or help would be appreciated.

Liz said...

I think you are nothing but a tease! You have now tempted us with at least a handful of amazingly wild stories, and all are "to come later".

I think you should take it as a compliment people thought you were arrested. It's because you have the coolest, wildest experiences! I would take people thinking you have been arrested as a sign of a life well-lived. :)

A. B. Keuser said...

I did not take you for a nudist! jk.

love the "cellar" it looks like someplace I'd like to hide away with a good book.

Sandy said...

That is one damn gorgeous wine cellar! I too am surprised you have never been arrested..

Michelle said...

I love the wine cellar! I can't wait to hear the stories.

Crystal said...

I was done at wine!!! I totally need to come to your house for a ciesta. And, what is your monthly wine shipment?? I love wine...and wine that comes to my door sounds even better. If you have time, would you email me some info???

Unknown said...

dang. I guessed arrested.
I think.
I'll have to show my husband your wine cellar, so he can cry with jealousy.

Mom vs. the boys said...

OMG yeah, that is a wine cellar alright! WOW!!! just WOW!! you are now my new best friend and I am moving in beside you, especially now that I've got your stalking tips, I'll be able to figure out where that is! lol
Looks like you have enough blog posts to last you at least half the year!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to read all these stories. You're such a nut. How do you expect us to know you've never been arrested? I imagined it was some sort of hilarious misunderstanding - not a bank robbery or anything.

Kelly said...

Dang it! I thought with all your adventures, you would have been arrested, or at least handcuffed, once. And I thought, with all your adventures, when would you have time to brush your teeth every hour on the hour? Hmmph.

I made my hubby take me to a strip club for my 40th birthday. Box checked. No need to go back. I'd rather spend my money on something such as jewelry than stuff it in a g-string and buy overpriced pitchers of beer, thankyouverymuch.

Rebecca Grace said...

Oh, pshaw! First and foremost, I am absolutely ill with Wine Cellar Envy. And green is NOT my color.

Next: Not everyone who has been arrested is a thug, and plenty of thugs have never been arrested at all. I didn't think you had been arrested for assault or anything, but I thought maybe it was for something colorful, like stalking Bono, starting a fight in a strip club, or being an unwitting drug mule on your trip to Mexico.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing all the stories. In fact, you ought to try to get yourself arrested on purpose -- I'm sure it would make for a memorable blog post, mug shot and all.

twelvedaysold said...

Yesterday my husband said to me, "I guess today's the superbowl."

AAaaaannnnd, that's about how much we celebrated the super bowl. I love having a nerdy husband.

Cathy Olliffe-Webster said...

When is your collection of crazy stories coming to print? (I totally see this... pink cover... you on the back in a fake Bono photo... wine stains scattered throughout). I'd buy it!

Anonymous said...

Joann, you are the coolest person I know except for my mom who also has stories such as this!

Thank god for blogging so you can have a record of it all. Imagine having your grandiose read about you someday. They are going to LOVE and admire you so much.

My mom started writing down her stories before she forgets them so the girls can see what her life is like. It's cool. I wish I had record of my grandparents stories. My grandma came from Sweden and my grandpa road the rails as a teen!!! He used to tell me all of them, but I have forgotten :-(

The Zadge said...

I've been arrested.
I've been nude on a beach.
I brush my teeth 5-6 times a day.
But *THAT* wine cellar?!!!
You are my new BFF!

TesoriTrovati said...

Heck yea, you picked the right team! Nothing goes better with wine than cheese! That is one rockin' wine cellar. I wish that I were that into wine. My parents have a closet in the basement that has shelves, but you, my friend take the cake! I think that getting arrested would have been my second choice, I never would have thought that you could have your bladder tucked! But that is on the inside. You are a natural beauty on the outside so I knew it wasn't there!
And yes, the Black Eyed Who? I think the halftime shows are ridiculous. Just sing already! Enjoy the day!

Deborah said...

Holy crapinoli, that is a wine cellar.

I have a wine rack. It is not full. I mostly drink pinot noir. I know nothing about wine.

Now I want to go to the liquor store and buy lots of nummy wine to fill up my Ikea wine rack.

Envious I am!

I LOVED the BLACK EYE PEAS! I want to be Fergie.

Judie said...

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, and all the saints! Is that REALLY your wine cellar? I will send you my itinerary so you will know exactly when my flight lands. I will be there with corkscrew in hand!!

Unknown said...

I would like to point out that I was one of the three who said you'd never been arrested! You're welcome!

Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal said...

Got Wine? I'm sure your UPS man loves you. My sister in Jacksonville has an old house on the river with a cellar. Just a old cellar with wine in it. Not as pretty as yours.

What, nothing about Christina's performance?

Nancy C said...

I have never been to Florida. Not once.

But, if I was to go, I would move into that wine cellar. Oh my word. It is a thing of beauty.

And...I would find your address via Google, of course.

Don't worry. I'll bring a french fry sandwich.

Unknown said...

I don't drink alcohol or anything (anymore) but your wine cellar is gorgeous. It's worthy of Bono gorgeous.

Yes, I admit I thought you got arrested. And that bladder tuck sounds like kindness itself from that dear doctor.

Lula Lola said...

This post left me jealous and not feeling good about myself at all.
I am jealous of that nifty wine cellar.
I am jealous of your bladder tack.
I have been arrested. I was very young and it involved an open container, my best friend, the preachers daughter and a couple of boys. Group mug shots and what not.

What I'm taking away from this post is that I'm a thug with no nifty wine cellar who has to pee a lot. Sad way to start the morning!

The Sisters' Hood said...

OK, if I show my hub pics of this wine cellar he will truly want to be your best friend ... and since we live in FL, you might just find us camping out on your doorstep. We could be your stalkers, and since my hub is somewhat hot and actually talks like Bono, this may in fact be a Win Win situation.

Just A Normal Mom said...

You posted wine porn. Seriously. OMG - I love that wine "cellar".

I talked to someone last night who was AT the super bowl and was shocked to hear us all saying the half time show sucked. She swears it didn't sound bad in the stadium, and that all the crazy costumes looked cool from nose bleed seats. She said without them, they'd just be blobs on a stage. Then again, maybe she had too many beers first, who knows. ;-)

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I did join a lot of wine clubs on my last trip to Heaven, thanks to you, but clearly I have a long way to go.

And ladies, you SHOULD go to a strip club, the stripper girls are quite nice and friendly and make you feel right at home. Right, Joann?

Alexandra said...

Your ascent into senility and delusion has worsened.

We have to do something.

This is not your wine cellar, honey, it's mine.

Remember the pictures you asked to take when you visited?

You poor thing...

Heather said...

That wine cellar was like a tractor beam. I walk walking out the door in a hypnotic trance on my way to your house.
Then I realized someone here probably has a plan for me to teach all day.

I can't wait for your upcoming posts!

Cheeseboy said...

I'm not a drinker, but if I was, I would definitely hit up your place first. That is some fine looking wine you've got there.

I always pegged you for one that has been arrested. Maybe for public urination due to a small bladder???

Hey, only 3 months until I go to the Salt Lake U2 concert that was cancelled last year due to his "back problems". I am still stoked!.

granny1947 said... come clean...with all that far can you spit????

KLZ said...

I refuse to believe the firemen story until I hear it.

Anonymous said...

Oh God, I love coming here. Okay, your posts are so long and eclectic, I can't focus long enough to post one coherent comment. No. So here are about 10incoherent comments.First of all, I'm glad you are not a convict. Surprised, but....(kidding, little humor). Secondly, remember the story you told me about the guy who comes by to fix something and then never leaves, so you make your husband be there whenever he has an appointment at your house? I remembered that story when I saw your wine cellar pictures. What I'm saying, here, is invite me to your house at your own risk....I could NOT stop giggling through that entire half-time show. I like Fergie, I do...but Sweet Child of Mine??? No. The whole thing reminded me of the Winter Olympics Closing Ceremony-I couldn't stop giggling during that either. I didn't mind the trons, though. I'm thinking of getting all my kids those for the next holiday season. And then, instead of Christmas lights, I'll just send them out the front lawn every night to jump around like reindeer and elves. Where was I? Oh. My favorite half time performance was Tom Petty. I think I cried at one point, the nostalgia was just. too. much. Then again, like you, it could have been winemotion. You know, Joann, if your hubby does take you to Ireland to see your boys, I'd be happy to housesit for you. Stay as long as you like. I'll, uh, sign for all your deliveries, no sweat. I'm sure I've forgotten something but this comment is almost as long as your post, eh?

Ash said...

I am boring with a capital BORE!!!

You, on the other hand, amaze me. I think I'm going to truly live WWJD - with the J for Joann.

That alligator story still slays me. No pun intended.

julie gardner said...

Damn, woman! I thought I loved you before but then you go and post pictures of your St. Supery bottle and your wine cellar; and you link to U2 singing "Where the Streets Have no Name."

So now I might have to go stand outside your house. Not in a stalkerish way, though.

Just kind of loitering to see if you're around. And in the mood to share your giant 1999 Rombauer Cab.

Holy crap. I wish I'd had my bladder tucked now.

Lori @ In Pursuit of It All said...

I feel compelled to say that tonight I read your list aloud to Himself and then said, "So which one is the lie?"

And without hesitation he answered, "That she was arrested on a misdemeanor."

Himself has faith in you.

MrsJenB said...

Sweet baby Jesus. That wine cellar. Tears of absolute joy are in my eyes right now. How I envy you.

I am in STRONG agreement over the halftime show. My world has been rocked harder by "older" musicians than young, for sure. And there are quite a few older musicians who I wish *would* rock my world, but that's another story (and yes, Bono is certainly one of them!).

Anonymous said...

Sorry, your list made me think of a law professor asking if anyone in the class had been arrested. When no one spoke she said, well it could be a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time - it happens.
I figured since you are so involved in life it might have happened to you that way. XD

life in the mom lane said...

I have wine cellar envy....

holy cow!

Thanks for the Springsteen links- they should get him back for next year- this years show sucked!

Tracie Nall said...

I really can hardly wait to read these stories you have teased us with.

When is the blogger party at your wine cellar?

Amanda said...

I'm so jealous of your wine cellar that it causes me actual physical pain.

I'm going to try and work on finding a way to be happy for you that you have such a LARGE wine collection.

But it does make me feel safer knowing that there is that much wine in the world.

Not sure if you saw the follow up on mine, but the one truth was that I fell out at Janet Reno's feet on the Capital steps. I'm just really cool and collected that way.

Lori said...

I read that whole post, and it was hilarious as usual - and, might I add, yes, you are a freak. But the important thing is this - you are a freak with wine. Can I come over and help ya knock back a few?

Sandra said...

Where do I start...???
Ok, first of all, a bladder tuck, huh...I need to look into that.
Second: WOW! Quite the wine cellar, and it's so elegant, really! I love the pic of you and dogs in there!
Third: You and Bono are such a good looking couple. Will you invite me to the make-believe wedding?..oh, see, I just gave you an idea for a post, didn't I?...if you don't use it, can I?...or you can use it, and I'll "reconstruct" it! teehee...
And lastly, I did not watch the Superbowl, but I've been told that the Black Eyed Peas disappointed :(
Ok, girl, I love ya as always!

Gigi said...

I am pretty sure that we have talked about Rombauer wine, have we not?
And we have talked about how it's our favorite winery of like, ever?
And you have a GIANT bottle of Rom in your wine cellar and I have not been invited over to drink it with you yet?

I want that. I want you to adopt me. Have I asked you that before?

Elizabeth said...

WOW, that is a LOT of wine. I think it's lonely and sad that you're not drinking it all and have it locked away in a cellar. So I should probably come over and drink it. Is all I'm saying.

Amanda said...

My husband would like to be buried in your wine cellar. Thank you.

You are one interesting chick!

Bibi @ Bibi's Culinary Journey said...

Very jealous of your wine cellar. Looks like the perfect place to chillax.

The only reason I am not totally bumped out that I don't own that wine cellar is that I have 13 world class wineries within 10 minute driving from my house. Off to get myself another bottle,lol.

Anonymous said...

So Lori sent me here b/c of helicopters, but I got lost in the wine cellar. This is not an entirely bad thing. But now I am insanely thirsty.

Suniverse said...

Love the wine cellar, even though I'm not a wine drinker [headaches, boo].

LOVE the stories to come. CAN'T WAIT!

Lauren @ Love, Water and Wine said...

I am so jealous of your wine cellar! But definitely not jealous of the alligators.

Grace said...

I absolutely cannot wait to read these stories. I mean, I'm glad you've never been arrested, but I need to know how your hair got someone arrested!

Anonymous said...

So last week I had meetings with people every freaking day and as I was showing them how to be a blogger, I always had them read this post!!!!!!!

It was so funny. You are such a good example of a great blog/blogger.

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