That's An Asshole's Birthday
Saturday, February 19, 2011
So, have you been thinking to yourself, where in the hell is that idiot?

Did you think I'd tripped on my heels, (a usual occurrence) and fallen off the face of the earth?

Surprisingly, you would be wrong. 

I'll tell you where I am, but it involves a story first. 

I can't remember why we were there, but a long time ago we spent the night at my parents' house. 

In the middle of the night, my brother came home from a night of carousing. 

He was a little toasted. 

The Big D, as we all call him, came into the bedroom and started yanking on my hubby's feet to wake him up. He was also yelling, "HEY! HEY! WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY? WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?"

My hubs woke up quite confused and said, "Oct. 10th?"

My brother doubled over and started cracking up, slapping his knee, falling over himself in hysterics and said, "That's an ASSHOLE'S birthday!"

He would repeat this several times as he stood there convulsing in hysterics, as if my hubs' birthday was the funniest thing in the world. 

It has become one of those legendary family stories and a catch phrase for my family. "That's an asshole's birthday!"

Because we're classy folks like that. 

Yesterday, a good portion of my family including me, flew to North Carolina to surprise my brother on this, the weekend of his 50th birthday. 

I couldn't say anything about it on the ole' blog, because I don't know if my brother reads my blog. 

If history is any indicator, I don't think my brother knows how to read. 

See, it doesn't matter how old you get, and some of us are freakin' old, man, the brother jokes never stop. 

With a lot of planning and some frantic texting between my beautiful niece and me all afternoon yesterday, we were able to pull it off. We parked around the corner from their house. My brothers and my hubs snuck around to the backyard while my sisters, my mom and I rang the doorbell. 

My brother was shocked, to say the least, when he opened the door to a gaggle of giggling sisters.  

Although, my sister Beth said he was probably thinking, "What the hell am I going to do with a bunch of sisters for the weekend?"

As we followed him into the house and his family joined us, (his wife and beautiful children who were all in cahoots with us), from the deck one of my brothers yelled out, "Hey, are you gonna join us for a beer or what?"

We spent the night laughing and drinking and eating pizza and more than a time or two it was mentioned that this, this is an asshole's birthday. 

It was a good night. 

And even though their Dad is really, really old today, Big D's family has bigger things to do than go buy him his walker and denture cream today. Their son has baseball tryouts and so sadly, we are left alone this morning and afternoon.

We're staying in a beautiful hotel called The Umstead. It's unfortunate, but this morning my sisters and I are going for a bike ride on this beautiful, blue skied 70 degree day. 

And then even worse, after our bike ride, my hubs and I are scheduled for massages. 

It's a shame, I know, but we've got to pass the time some way. 

I'll load up some pictures for next time, for now coffee on the balcony is awaiting me. 

Tonight, we're going out for a big celebration for The Big D. Although these days, I think the Big D stands for Decrepit. 

And tomorrow afternoon, I'm having lunch with someone very special. 

I'm not going to tell you who it is, but I will tell you it's someone very familiar to most of you. 

I'll let you know all about it next week. 

I'm suffering here, man, in this Godforsaken North Carolina as the birds sing and the sun shines, warming up the Earth. Might want to say a prayer for me. 

I'm turning off comments today because I haven't had the time to visit anyone who was kind enough to read my tome of a last post. And since I am an Irish Catholic, through and through, I'm already filled to the brim with guilt for anything and everything. I don't need any more guilt on my shoulders. The masseuse is going to have to replace the hot stones with a boulder, just to get rid of my guilt stress. 

I hope your weekend is as wondrous as the one I'm having. 

Happy Birthday Big D. This is truly an asshole's birthday. 

No download today. I've got a sunny day and a bike waiting for me.

Update: Biking in North Carolina sucks. It is nothing like biking in Florida. There are hills here. Big ones. It was about the four thousandth hill that I decided I was no longer having fun. It was at the 4,001st hill that I screamed, "I  F**KING HATE THIS!"

Massages, however, in North Carolina are marvelous. 

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